Entries Posted in "August 2007"
Caught in a Fashion Faux-Pas: The Modified Mullet
August 12, 2007
Earlier this summer while attending my brother's all boys private prep school high school graduation, I couldn't help but home in on something incredibly tragic. It wasn't the sea of khaki and bowties or the overabundance of navy blue sport coats and Lacoste boat shoes present. It wasn't even the fact that my brother's graduating class had all of like ten black kids--or the tragedy that ten black males is actually quite impressive for the average private east coast school. No my dear friends, this offense was far more egregious. Seated in the crowd of proud parents, I spotted a modified mullet.
Seriously, people does this really need to be said? Apparently so. It didn't work for Steven Segal or Michael Bolton so what pray tell makes people think this look is even remotely attractive? Sure we can all agree that the mullet of the 80s was scandalous in its own right. We all prayed to God that trend would never ever return. Unfortunately, the next iteration of that fiasco can be seen above. So for all who have ever wondered, here are my two cents: if you are a man at no point and again I say at no point whatsoever should your hair be at varying lengths such that certain sections can be put into a ponytail while others cannot. Not only is it not acceptable; it's not cute. Let it go brotha...let that back bit of hair go.
- Geometry Gone Wild
- The Grizzly Bear
- The Blue-Haired, Gun Tights Wonder
- Stripey Girl
- The Pimp
Life is Precious
August 8, 2007
So I have this fish--his name is "Edward." He's a betta fish and I've had him for almost four years now. As far as I'm concerned, four years might as well be 250 in fish years. Never in my life has a fish survived my care longer than two weeks. When I was a kid, I always won a goldfish or two at the annual church carnival. I'd bring the fish home (to my parents’ dismay), plop them in a glass pitcher, and a week or so later, they'd die. Honestly, I never thought much of it. Though I must say whenever the topic of goldfish comes up, I am reminded of the Cosby Show. Why? For every life scenario, there is a Cosby Show episode begging to be referenced. When seeking out wise counsel in life the order of operations is such: God, The Bible, and then The Cosby Show. The second episode of the series featured the death of Rudy's pet goldfish, Lamont, followed by a bathroom funeral that would make any pet jealous.
My dead fish never got funerals.
As an adult, I thought I'd turn over a new leaf. I'm not really the fish-owner type. Real fish owners talk to their fish daily, eat dinner on TV trays and know all the answers on the "Wheel of Fortune." I'm of the persuasion that fish tanks have a dentaloffice-esque feel about them and personally, I like to make distinctions between my home and my last root canal. So for me, the betta fish was a good compromise. They don't need large tanks and they're really low maintenance. My kinda fish!
When I first got Edward, I had no idea whether he was male or female or even how to tell. I took a chance by giving him a masculine name. It turns out I was right on (Thank God). The last thing a fish needs is an identity crisis. To make matters worse, "Edward" was purchased from Wal-Mart. Not even a fish deserves that type of legacy. Did you know Wal-Mart sells fish? Wal-Mart sells everything. If Wal-Mart could sell happiness, I bet they would. That fact notwithstanding, I still detest Wal-Mart.
Almost four years later, I've nearly killed Edward about a dozen times and he's still alive and somewhat kicking. I recently realized I don't have much time to take care of him any more and last week I made the decision to put the fish out of his misery. We live on the waterfront so I had this grand plan to dump Sir Edward into Lake Washington. I visualized him swimming to his heart's content, free from that mean black lady who never changed his tank water. That is until Andre (my husband), questioned my motives:
Andre: Do you even know if that type of fish can survive in the lake?
Me: No. But I'm sure he'll be fine!
Andre: So you mean he could possibly die?
Andre: Whatever. Just make sure you're doing the right thing. That is another life and you need to be a good steward of it.
Who knew that getting married meant you have your own live-in judge AND jury? Yippee! I suppose it's always been my dream to marry a man who could use the word "steward" in every day conversation while also managing to send me into a downward spiral of conviction. Sexy I tell you. "Make sure you're doing the right thing" is Andre's code for "REPENT of your sins you wretched woman!" The most non-animal-loving, anti-pacifist man you will ever meet was defending a fish!. He was right though. What I planned on doing would probably kill the fish. It was just my chicken way of getting rid of him without flushing him down the toilet.
A few days passed and after mulling it over for awhile, I decided to put an ad on Craigslist to give away Sir Edward, the betta fish. It may go down as the silliest thing I've ever done, but at least I won't be answering to God (or my husband) on why I killed that darned fish. Then it happened. The responses. Oh my the responses! Nearly a hundred people replied wanting to rescue dear Edward from my care. A fish. They wanted to rescue a friggin' fish!
It was at that point I had my moment of clarity. Yes people, there is a point to this useless saga. There are two lessons to be learned here. One, Craigslist rocks and two, if one hundred plus strangers can show that much care, concern, and enthusiasm for a stupid fish whose presence or lack thereof will minimally impact the earth, America has got a heck of a lot of repenting to do for the unborn lives we've allowed to be killed on our watch. I can assuredly say there are generations desperately in need of the genius, the creativity, and the warrior-like spirit undoubtedly found among those never given a chance to live.
I'm back again. The summer in Seattle and about 32 weddings to attend, along with my general distaste for much of the direction of this blog kept me away. Needless to say, I'm changing up the pace a bit and incorporating more freeform writing. Should be fun. I have some fun updates too. One of them involves being on national television. More on that later.