The Lifelong Project
June 1, 2007

Nine months ago today, I embarked upon a wonderful journey. Though unremarkable to most, a nine month anniversary pales in comparison to my parents' twenty-six year marriage and especially my grandparents' fifty years of matrimony. Heck, we're not even a year in but every milestone for me is pretty tremendous considering the dismal standards our society has for marriage. Don't get me wrong. We deserve no pats on the back. It's not as though I'm waiting for the moment when I can yell out "Hey, we've made it longer than Tori Spelling!" God help me if I ever use celebrity schizophrenia as my measuring rod for a successful marriage.

Throughout our engagement, Andre and I battled the evil forces called "wedding planning." If ever there were a shady racket to be found it is in the wedding industry. Only could a bridal salon get away with charging $300 for a piece of tulle by calling it a "bridal veil." During the whole arduous (but fun) process, we constantly reminded ourselves not to spend more time planning our wedding (an event) than we did planning our marriage (a lifetime). I would say we did about 60/40 and the result was an awesome wedding and thus far, an awesome marriage.

I haven't been at it long, but I can already say marriage ranks second on my list of best decisions I ever made. No doubt the single life is fantastic. If you are not married, live it up. Being unmarried has its own set of wonderful benefits and let me just say I managed to milk every last drop out of those benefits and I'm so glad I did.

By many standards, I got married young. Though at 24 (the age I was when I wed), in some countries I'd have five children and a goat by now. I am of the mind that maturity more than age should determine when a person is ready for marriage. I am also of the mind that history has proven the power a collective society has in determining exactly what the age of maturity is. In America and in many other countries, we associate the age of responsibility with the ability to drive a car, buy cigarettes, alcohol and obtain credit--not exactly good indicators of much of anything let alone maturity of an individual. One generation casts low expectations to the next, expectations are met and those expectations become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Today, we generally deem the average 21-year-old very immature.

I always knew I'd marry young. My general nature is fairly driven so a casual relationship here or there would never fly with me. If I was going to be in a relationship, it was for the long haul or not at all. The upside to that perspective was that we went into our marriage without a lot of the usual baggage. If I had to make one recommendation to all you future married-folk out there, the less baggage the better. I would do the baggage-free dance if one existed, but I think the funky chicken will suffice. If you have baggage, spend some time lightening your load before you join with another person in holy matrimony. It will make a world of difference.

I've struggled with how much of this aspect of my life I want to share online and I'm not sure I've come to a clear resolution. One thing I know for sure - we are in dire need of more clear-minded voices speaking out on the topic of marriage so if I can contribute my humble bit, I most certainly will.

So happy 9-month anniversary my dear. Here's to many many more (except in the future I would prefer to celebrate in 12-month increments, thanks).

Posted by Ambra at June 1, 2007 2:05 AM in Marriage
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Congratulations! I have a friend who is at the 3-4 year mark and also has a son...hmmm, with that said, when should we be expecting the little ones?

Sorry, there's something about the internet that makes you think you have the right to get in folk business.

Congrats!
I'm at the 5 1/2 year mark.

2 year and 9 months here. Isnít marriage great?

Fifty-seven years eleven months.

20 years this August. Was 25 myself at the time, and agree with the maturity vs. age thing. Plus, it can take some time to find the right person. I can concur with the "marriage is great" sentiments, and it was truly one of my best decisions ever, as well. However, it has also been the single hardest "project" I've attempted in my life. But, thats the way of these lifelong endeavors. More best wishes to you and Andre. Enjoying your podcast, by the way...

Indeed marriage is challenging. It's like free therapy you never asked for.

As for babies...one day in maybe the next few years. I'm hoping my ambitious career goals can sustain children sooner rather than later.

For now, I'm happy just enjoying the guilt-free married. se*x (registered trademark).

You go!

We would have been married for 9 years this August and have loved every minute of it. In the years ahead you will learn a whole lot about yourself and your hubby. Who farts in their sleep is one of them ;)

In the words of T.D. Jakes: "Get ready, Get ready, Get ready!"

Congratulations! It is indeed unusual to get married at 24 nowadays in the West although I got married at 23. My wife and I just celebrated 10 years together!

Charlton Heston was once asked what the secret for his fifty-year marriage was.

He replied: Three little words.

I was wrong.

this coming August 3rd, my hubby and I will celebrate 22 years together. I was 23 when I got married, and yes, I highly agree that peeps need to be mature when they take that step. Not just physically only. Emotionally, psychologically and FINANCIALLY mature. Nothing breaks a marriage like being BROKE!!

Ambra,

Congratulations to you and don't be ashamed to celebrate that matrimony every day. It was interesting reading your piece here because it's so much the opposite of how I felt up until recently. I always thought of myself as a loner and decided if I'd get married it'd be because of financial convenience or some other bull and I'd have to be at least 40.

Now though, I am watching the health of my father decline and I look back on what he and my mother have done for me over the years and how they have unconditional love for me and, as I see their mortality for the first time in my life, I see that I want a wife one day who will also have that unconditional love for me (and I want to die before she does).

Unfortunately, I'm on the outside looking in and now, whereas I used to make fun of those who got married early (especially other dudes), now I'm envious of them and wanting what they have. I'm the same age now that you were when you wed, but whereas you had someone at my age, I have had an unfortunate string of dysfunctional relationships. But one day that right lady will enter my life and I'm going to flaunt her and thank God for her every day and I might even start a blog where all I do is talk about how much I love her and what wonderful thing she did that day.

So please, be proud of that nine-month anniversary. Whatever your marriage entails that thrills you, write about it, sing about it, pray about it, whatever. God blessed you with that marriage that you would enjoy it and show others how wonderful it is so that they do right as well.

Just be sure to keep your guard up because you may feel confident and secure and good about your marriage, but the Enemy wants to destroy it.

Congratulations on your 9 month anniversary! Nice wedding pic, BTW.

I distinctly remember saying to my husband "Wow, we've been married 6 whole months now!" It's now 15 years and counting.

It will fly by!

Congratulations, Nykola. :)

Congrats! My wife and I just celebrated our 1st year over the Memorial Day weekend.

Nine months, while perhaps not in you guys' case, is often a very significant milestone in marriages, for very tiny (feet) reasons.

Felicitaciones.

Congratulations! Keep it going!

Beautiful pic you posted of you and your hubby! Congrats! Best of luck to you!!

Aw man, you missed your chance!
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