Caught In a Fashion Faux-Pas: Ann Coulter
May 11, 2005

I'm going to say this once and hope that someone important takes note. For credibility's sake; for the future of the conservative movement's sake; and above all, for Pete's sake: Ann Coulter needs a stylist. Desperately. Now.

Where oh where to begin? The only time Coulter looks halfway put-together is on her book and magazine covers which were no doubt taken during a photo shoot where there was a stylist on set.

Remember, here at the goal isn't criticism. The goal is to help improve the world one outfit at a time. As you know, it's not normally my practice to call people out by name when conducting fashion critiques, but for Coulter, I'm making the exception. Last night was the last straw. Someone needs to say something.

Last night on her appearance on "The Tonight Show" with Jay Leno, Coulter sauntered out in what can best be described as "Premium Hooker Couture." The main act of Coulter's racy ensemble was a handkerchief masquerading as a little black dress (picture forthcoming). Suffice it say, fabric was lacking. When Coulter sat down, there wasn't much left to the imagination. Something tells me it wasn't a mistake that we could see 95% up her leg. It's not like she hasn't done it before. This time around the dress was bad. Really bad. Simply put, Ann looked like a skank.

The sad thing is, I'm willing to bet she's better than that.

As Time Magazine's most recent cover girl, Coulter's publicity has significantly increased over the last few weeks. As an author, a columnist, and a commentator, she definitely deserves her props. Regardless of political affiliation, in a male-dominated arena, it's great to see women staking their claim and being recognized where it counts. As far as I'm concerned, nearly any woman on the cover of Time magazine is a very good thing. For you, for me, and for the free market society.

So why bring up the petty issue of fashion?

Well, we complain about how people should be paying attention to a woman's brain and not her clothing, but what happens when the woman makes it clear she wants you to see more than just her brain? It's one thing to have flair. To show excessive skin is quite another. Let's not kid ourselves here. Appearance is very important for a woman. Unfortunately, we don't have the luxury of going on national television and looking like decrepit raisins like some of the men who shall remain nameless. No; we are judged and measured according to how we look and how we carry ourselves. It's not bad. In fact, I view this as one of the great adventures of being a woman. It's extremely imperative that women who wish to achieve legitimate success take note of this. Whether good or bad, people care about the way you look.

Selling sex appeal as a means of reaching an audience is a cruddy way to go about achieving success. I salute the women in visible media who have maintained modest yet fashionable standards. In the end, the classy ones will be around the longest. Right now, I wouldn't count Coulter in that bunch.

My suggestions for a better, classier, and fashion-forward Coulter:

  1. A haircut. I'd take 5-6 inches off. Ann needs something shoulder-length with layers. Her long locks add years to her face and it's clear she doesn't know how to maximize it stylistically. Her hair always looks flat and boring and very Little House on the Prairie.

  2. A new dye job. Ann's too pale to be a full out blonde. Her hair color washes out her face and makes her look gaunt. Instead, she should keep the strawberry blonde as a base and add some darker tones and a few highlights for dimension. I would suggest a trip to famed celebrity colorist Rita Hazan. Ann can afford it.

  3. Lose the p/leather. Nothing against cowhide (fake and real), but on Ann, it's just not cutting it. She shouldn't wear anything black and shiny. Take this picture, for example. She looks like a soccer mom in mid-life crisis, not a professional pundit.

  4. Toss the mini-skirts. Ann's got a tall and lanky frame and needs clothing that will complement her slender figure. Because her legs are so long, the shorter the skirt, the sillier she looks. A mid-thigh to upper knee-length skirt would be better.

  5. Retire the flats. Ann has big feet (as do I) which means she has to be strategic about the shoes she wears. Flat shoes make her look like she has clown feet, but heels will make her too tall. My suggestion? A kitten-heeled shoe (as seen here). It will give her the look she wants, but has more dimension than a flat shoe.
Increased visibility means setting a higher standard. Dress responsibility. Ann, you've got to do better.

Posted by Ambra at May 11, 2005 2:35 AM in Fashion
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Remember, here at the goal isn't criticism. The goal is to help improve the world one outfit at a time.

Thank you! This is a good thing. :) You're completely right about Ms. Coulter... she needs a makeover PRONTO!

I'd rather look at Ann Coulter than Rush Limbaugh any day.

I hope so, Michael.

And, either she has really, really, really-really-really huge hands, or that photo isn't working for her.

I stayed up to watch. I am a straight, 40-year old conservative man, I took notice of the short skirt and long legs, and yet I failed to be as critical of the outfit.

Seriously, I find Coulter's appearance quite empowering to women: She's tough as nails, but still manages to be cute when she squeals and runs away from her cream-pie attackers.

Ann is always quick to call herself a "girl" and despite her comfort with firearms still seems to appreciate being protected by a man.

"I find Coulter's appearance quite empowering to women"

I find this statement hilarious when written by a man....

Thanks Ambra, now I need to go wash out my mind.

I agree with you skirt/shoe critique though. Long legs should be covered - more to the imagination.


Girl, you are too much! LOL.

Ambra - you call it like it is, which is why I keep coming back. I appreciate your honesty, your convictions, and your humor. As my mama always said, "you can feel the wind/air when your clothes are too short" - translation "you know when your revealing too much, you cannot plead ignorant". I guess Ann's mom never made her do the "bendover test".

I've always hated Ann Coulter's dyed hair. Why do the Women of Fox have to have "blond" hair? It would be much more empowering if she had her real color, or if it was dyed to match her real color.

Kitten heels rock.

I believe Stacy and Clinton (What Not To Wear) have a rule that says no mini-skirts past a certain age, or if you want people to take you seriously. I think both criteria apply to Ann.

That said, she cracks me up.

Hey Ambra..
This is the first time I can remember disagreeing with you. Ann Coulter's look is awesome. I love her hair. Makes me crazy.......

Perhaps she should shop here;

Ambra...that's cold! Ann is smart, funny,gorgeous.....and she really knows her politics. I have never seen her look like a skank. Good grief.....skank is as skank I really don't think she would ever fall in that category.

Nothing is more pathetic than a washed up old person (any gender applies here) trying to look young and fly.

Ann wants to be the conservative everything girl and instead she just looks like an overgrown skank, but I guess that's her niche so it works for enough of you.

Spot on!

I've always been under the assumption that Ann dresses the way she does precisely because she wants to challenge the idea that conservative women always wear "fill in the blank" -- but you're entirely right in that she goes about it all wrong. She obviously needs more suitable shopping partners . . .

Aw man, you missed your chance!
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