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A reader emailed me once and said that Lance Armstrong was a virtual God in her hometown city of Austin, Texas. I must preface this by saying I'm not hatin' on Lance and all his celebrity splendor. I can't even knock the fact that he overcame huge setbacks healthwise to be this crazy strong, insane rock of multiple Tour-de-France-winning flesh. It's a shame his marriage suffered, but I'll keep my mouth off of that.

I've lost many family members and friends to cancer so don't tell me I'm being insensitive when I say I CAN'T STAND THE LANCE ARMSTRONG FOUNDATION YELLOW WRISTBAND and if I see one more I may be tempted to rip it off the wearer's wrist. My it feels good to have a place to vent these pent up feelings (advertisement: get a blog, it feels good).

I've written before about my lack of appreciation for certain organizations I call "Tools of the 21st Century". I included the American Cancer Society (one of the most wealthy organizations) as one of them. I don't trust organizations who set out to find cures to diseases and illness. If you ask me, it's a recipe for shady disaster. That would make our dear buff bicyclist's effort also known as the Lance Armstrong Foundation no different. In an effort to raise funds for various cancer efforts, one can purchase the widely popular "Lance Band" for only $1. In fact, the bands are so popular, they're currently on back order.

Now here's where I think fundraising gets scary. These things have become an all-out fashion trend! How do I know? Well aside from the fact that I saw a racoon wearing one yesterday, I have this person in my life who thinks he's way cooler than me and stands about one entire foot taller than I that introduced me to the latest wrist rave in the school hallway. He's my 16-year-old brother, and he knows what he's talking about. Ambra's sad observation: you know you're getting old when your younger brother is letting you in on the trends. I've officially lost my prowess.

Maybe I'm not being sensible, and yes I'm all for finding a cure for cancer and helping better the lives of those suffering with it. I am however, sometimes prone to be suspicious that we've found secretly found a cure already, and if we haven't, although I'm not a gambler, I'd be willing to wager my brother's latest pair of hot sneakers (or tennis shoes for you civilized types) that the cure isn't in all this fancy shmancy technology, but rather in plantlife on the untapped Earth.

Down with trendy fundraising!

I lied I watched the circus. By way of Hurricaine Frances, torrential rain and severe flooding in Virginia (as in even the squirrels have life preservers and rowboats) left me housebound Monday evening and I was left to tune into none other than the Republican National Convention. A quick parenthetical: My reasons for avoiding both Democratic & Republican National conventions have nothing to do with politics, but are purely due to my gnat-sized attention-span.

Amidst moans of displeasure from a fellow Democrat family member, I caught a bit of commentary tossed between some anchor whose name I've forgotten, Richard Norton Smith (Presidential Historian), David Brooks (New York Times), some nondescript woman academic and a few other terribly decrepit-looking white men with unmatching ties and toupees, who (coincidentally) could double for South Park cartoon characters. Ambra's commentary: The Republican National Convention needs a stylist on staff. Badly.

Over the course of their commentary on the convention thus far, one of the decrepit South Park characters in particular started referring to presidents George Bush Sr. and Jr. as "Bush - The Father" and "Bush - The Son". Part of me was waiting for him to indentify the third member of the Bush trinity as "Bush - The Holy Spirit".

I pleaded with him through the television screen to please stop doing this, but he aggressively continued. Old decrepit anchorpersonman, if you're reading this, don't ever do that again. Bad choice of terminology if you ask me.

I really did expect more from the Republicans, but alas, just like the Democrats, they too have gone off the political party affliation deep-end. Straight from the Republican National Convention:

No measure of affliation is worth sacrificing my dignity in public. But try telling that to Green Bay Packers fans. What nuts they are!

I know it ain't an Oscar, an Emmy, or even better, a Bloggie, but I'll take an accolade any time.

JollyBlogger had some >really nice things to say about my unfinished four-part series on "Why I'm Not a Republican", and has given me the Jolly Award for the week (don't you just love it when people make up awards to stroke the ego?) Anyway, I'm still appreciative, so pay JollyBlogger a visit and tell him I sent you.

I guess this means I've got to get off my tush and finish this 4-part joint.

Today I'm blogging from the extremely historical (and Confederate) Richmond, Virginia. I caught Bill Clinton on C-SPAN today, strategically pontificating at the interfaith Riverside Church in Harlem.

Politicians in churches = Personal gag-reflex

There's been a bit of publicity about the Clintons' less than gracious welcome of the Republican National Convention to the New York Area. Well "Duh". First off, the Clintons' are carpetbaggers and thus not truly in a position to welcome anyone to much of anything let alone Harlem.

I wish there was more I could say of this pathetic attempt at book sales and furtherance of his bastard mantle of "The First Black President", but I had to change the channel because I was dry-heaving when our dearly washed-up ex-president started QUOTING SCRIPTURE (it must be tough to find a good publicist these days).

First, Clinton alluded to the Swift Boat Veteran controversy by accusing Republicans of observing only nine of the ten commandments but leaving out "thou shalt not bear false witness".

Are you kidding me? Bill Clinton, Mr. "I did not commit sexual relations with that wo-man" and "it depends on what the definition of 'is' is" is lecturing other people on the virtues of truth-telling (granted not all Republicans are the most honest folks in the lot, but at least they try -- some of them). If what we saw was a truly repentant Clinton and not a miserable sap then maybe, just maybe he could pull of that doozy. But today was not that day. Clinton's last words before I flipped the switch?

"I'm certain a Liberal Jesus wouldn't have anything to say about two homosexual men coming together in marriage"

I don't know about you, but I'm not taking Bible lessons from Bill Clinton. No way, no how.

(Article Username: Latimes1 Password: Latimes2)

I am a young, black woman. My political and social values are rooted in a Judeo-Christian ethic that's been long established before we had petty political affliatory labels.

I'm steadfast on a number of hot issues a few of them being abortion, gay marriage, stem-cell research, and lop-sided sex education. I'm pro-family, pro-education, and pro-personal responsibility.

While I don't believe morality can be legislated, I believe licenciousness and lawlessness can.

I can always argue the practical side of an issue, but when the rubber meets the road, my sole accountability on any number of issues is to God and Him alone.

Based on those few personal attributes, our society deems me "conservative". In this day and blameful age however, believing that a person should pay back their own self-inflicted parking ticket is grounds for being labeled "fiscally conservative". Understand, that "conservative" is a label I'm more than proud to wear (despite the many Capitol Hill fools who've given it a bad reputation). I've even been told on occasion that I dress conservatively and I take that as a compliment as well. So there should be no doubt that I "embrace" my conservative label in all its fullness and wonderful glory.

All of that said, I have my days when I think I am tired of being a "conservative". If being a conservative means that all I do is have a form answer for abortion, affirmative-action, abstinence education, illegal immigration, and homosexual marriage, then count me out. As my friend says, Ambra isn't about drinking the "Conservative Kool-Aid". This is about using your brain. If I wanted to regurgitate the GOP agenda (no matter how poorly eloquent), I certainly wouldn't need my brain to do so. Thankfully, the GOP has constituents who know how to do both.

When it comes down to it, I think I am more of a "Philosophical Conservative" than I am an "Ideological Conservative". I have zero interest in debating issues that the two opposing parties have already plainly sided on. Sure I have an opinion, but really it's not anything anyone hasn't already heard regurgitated in some way, shape, or form. It might be lightly battered in youthfulness, with a tinge of hip-hop and a side of sarcasm, but it's the same, old, tired arguments conservatives have been making for years. I can however, point people in the direction of some very wise and succinct conservative smarty-pants who write all the time about the stuff most people want to read about.

What I am interested in is how conservative thought plays into our daily lives. What does it look like in the home? What does it look like in education? In music? On the campus?

I am of the persuasion that a conservative worldview is far more important than conservative policy. The average Joe really could really care less about whether Matt and Steve should have the right to fake marriage or how balanced the budget is. But if Joe can see how philosophy can enhance his family life, he just might take a listen.

Thus far, I have found that what I just stated bothers people more than the fact that I don't call myself a Republican. I'm not into all these titles and whatnot. Once people hear certain things, they think they have you pegged and if there's one thing that will never happen to me, it's pegging. Try me and I will resist you like a fish out of water.

Conservatism is a direction, not a destination. I'm on my way, but I don't think anyone's arrived. So please, let's stop acting like we have.

I think La Shawn Barber hipped me to this, but in case you didn't know, I thought I'd just let all you news buffs who can't stand giving your personal information over to the blood sucking theives on the internet who have "registration required" news services know that there is a service called BugMeNot.com which supplies dummy logins for every newspaper you can imagine. Check it out.

(I link sites every now and then that require registration, in which case, I'll supply the dummy login...cuz I'm baaaad like that)

My site was shut down most of the day on Saturday to my EXTREME and UTTER chagrin. This has happened before, and I promised myself it would never happen again but dag nabit it did. Considering my control-freak tendancies, this bugs me to no end. I suppose it's a good thing when your site gets a lot of hits, but trust me, no one will ever convince me of that. Anyway, apologies for the downtime. I've been traveling and thus approximately three to four days behind on responding to emails and comments so apologies to those who've emailed or dropped some serious science in the comments section, I shall be with you shortly ;-)

Having survived some awful business travel to a few cities in New Jersey, the worst of all being "Teaneck" (whose most exciting venue is a Shop-Rite grocery store), I am proud to report that today I am blogging from the beautiful "keystone state", Pennsylvania. For the first time this week, I slept longer than 3 hours and let me just say it feels mighty good. Now if I could just name my gosh darn column, I might have some peace of mind.

What is in a name? Apparently, a lot. I've labored over the name of my very first column for almost a week now. I know it's not that big of a deal, but to me it is. Anything with my name attached to it better come correct.

I so appreciate the lengths to which many of you have gone to think up something clever and creative. If only I had 20 columns with which to name them!

Some of the suggestions were utterly fascinating. Others, left me scratching my head (in a good way I suppose). I even had someone go so far as to design me a logo. Which leaves me thoroughly convinced that I have one of the best lots of folks reading nykola.com. You people are lovely really. And in true stereotypical fashion, I give you the cookie cutter speech of how everyone's a winner and it was a diffucult decision and I could only pick one and all that jazz. There were some 50+ suggestions made via comments and email!

I decided early on that I wasn't comfortable with my name included anywhere in the title (besides byline). The reality is, you pretty much have to be ALL THAT to pull that off without sounding a tad arrogant (which I'm not so I shy away from stuff that gives off that aroma). Unfortunately, that ruled out Nykolsworth and Ambra Alert (both great suggestions).

Then there's the whole right-winged elephant thing that I'd prefer to stay away from because it pigeon-holes me, and well, you know how I am. That ruled out: You Know I'm Right, Kickin' it Right, Just Say It Right, Talkin' Right, Left Out.

There's also the whole "I know something you don't" vibe that I'd prefer not to exude. That ruled out: Left Out, Pardon My Hellfire, Truth Be Told, The Flow, The Column, The Fallen Intellectual

So with that, the finalists up are: Consider This and Politickin'. Now, help me choose.

(FYI, "to politick" is a real word Merriam-Webster style, it is also a slang word that takes it a few steps futher. Kinda double-entendreish).

I make my decision Saturday.

I'm a big proponent of year-round schooling and this is why.

With most students around the country heading back to school this week or next, gripes are already surfacing about assigned summer homework. And get this, the parents are complaining too! The AP reports,

Summer homework has increasingly become a popular tool used by teachers to bridge the gap between the end of one school year and the start of another. But some parents worry that the workload is making summer fun slip away.

"I don't know what good this really does," said Sheryl Preiss, a Baltimore, Maryland, mother parent of twin 13-year-old girls entering high school this year. "Life isn't always about a test. I think it's important for children to be children, to be well-rounded.

When I was in sixth grade, I recall reading Tolkein's The Hobbit in one day. It was the day before we had to return from summer vacation, and it was the lone book we were assigned over the summer. I of course, being the procrastinator-perfectionist that I am, waited until the very last day to read it. I hated summer assignments. The summer was for vacations, swimming, and stealing from the ice cream man. In my mind, summer vacation was purely established to be the polar opposite of everything that took place from September-June. There was to be absolutely NO thinking during the summer. None whatsoever.

For me, school meant life in the homework inferno. Private schools have absolutely no mercy when it comes to piling it on. By the time I got to high school, I easily had five hours worth of homework every night. There was almost never a time when we came from under the burden of repetitive assignments. I still have gripes about the intensity of private school workload, but for what it's worth, it gave me a great work ethic and the summer was indeed a welcomed break.

Unfortunately, these days the worse lot of public schools don't give nearly enough homework if you ask me. I know many parents who actually supplement their children's workload with additional materials just to fill in some of the holes the educational system leaves.

The summer is a prime opportunity to go brain-dead. As I got older, I started realizing how much I forgot over the summer. In math classes for example, we generally spent the first two months strictly re-learning everything we'd flushed away via our summer lack of scholastic aptitude.

As with all things, it seems conservatives are to blame for the summer homework craze,

Some education experts say the "lazy, hazy, crazy" days of summer are over as schools feel increased pressure on accountability for student achievement under the federal No Child Left Behind Act.

"It's really going to focus attention on this period of time when kids aren't engaged," said Ron Fairchild, executive director of the Center for Summer Learning at Johns Hopkins University.

But parents from Prince George's County in Maryland to Salt Lake City, Utah, are fighting back, questioning the usefulness and legality of teachers piling on summer reading and math problems.

The legality of piling on homework? Now we've officially gone off the deep-end. In the article, they also interview Director of Teacher Education at Pepperdine University, Etta Kalovec, author of The End of Homework: How Homework Disrupts families, Overburdens Children and Limits Learning. Her main argument being that homework puts poor children at a disadvantage. I am trying very hard to wrap my mind amount this logic. Granted, yes I believe our educational structure could stand some reform and yes I think that in many cases the homework load can be a bit much and pull children away from more important family time, and yes kids without the traditional family structure in place can suffer a bit with bringing work home, but to say that it puts poor children at a disadvantage? That's a bit advantageous.

In case you hadn't heard, an Ohio man attempted to sell his vote on eBay. Hey, at least he's forthright about it, unlike others.....

Should I not feel guilty for finding ConservativeMatch.com utterly hilarious? I love the endorsement quote from Rush Limbaugh,

"...despite the liberal lads you've been dating, there is hope out there."

Sorry. I'm not taking relationship advice from Rush Limbaugh--not now, and not ever.

Every week or so, I check the New York Times' "best-sellers" booklist. I consider this to be a very important aspect of figuring out the pulse of our country philosophically. Whatever "book of the quarter" our country is reading by the millions is certainly worth a bit of deeper analyzation. Watching books rise and fall on the charts is almost scientific. Right after September 11th for example, most of the best-selling books in the weeks to come were on life's greater purpose and meaning, spiritual matters, death, heaven, and lastly, Islam. That particular shift in American history got people thinking, reading, and considering more than they every had before. At the time, the issue of "mortality" was incredibly relevant.

A few years or so after that, the nation was on a mission to get skinny via the South Beach Diet, The Atkins' Diet, and Dr. Phil's Weight-Loss Challenge". Apparently, the nation had an epiphany and realized as whole, it was overweight.

The trends in book readership are an indicator of something greater. I look at "best-sellers" as a pulse on a certain aspect of American culture. Aside from book sales that come via controversy (Swift Boat Veterans) and just plain stupidity (My Life, Bill Clinton), the popularity of a book is usually indicative of the subject matter being somehow relevant to the greater audience at the moment. Perhaps this is why I am often less than appreciative of our "great" and "revered" classics.

As a firm believer in moral principles that transcend political lines, I am told we're in the midst of a "culture war". I say, if this is a culture war, then we are surely getting our tails whipped. I have my own personal opinions on who some of the "casualties" of this war happen to be, but we'll save that for a later time. So yes, we are in a culture war. Based on my own definition, the "culture war" is really just a the battle for truth (both practical and revelatory) to prevail in the open marketplace of freedom amidst an often carnal, licentious, rebellious, and self-serving generation. I believe an important key to effectively disseminating the message of truth will require us to be culturally relevant more than many so-called "conservatives" would like to admit. This is because an even more difficult component of this quest will be re-defining what it truly means to be "relevant".

I for one, am tired of the word "relevant". The word itself is decidedly 125% overplayed and in heavy rotation amongst the "free thinkers" of our society. Generally, I find that the idea of "relevancy" is usually a scapegoat for mediocrity. While my most basic understanding of the concept of relevancy is simply making a message, idea, or concept pertinent to those you wish to receive it, our appropriation of the word "relevant" in this 21st century is absolute rubbish. In the name of "relevancy" our culture has allowed itself to devolve into purveyors of lackadaisical educational standards and situational ethics, with absolutely no moral throughline, tossed to and fro by every wind of doctrine and idea like drunken ragdolls. In the name of relevancy, we have become, well, just like "them".

A perfect example of foolishly stepping into the cultural relevancy deep end was a couple of months ago, when a bit of a stir was created when a high school announced that their summer program's curriculum would be taking part of their text from the poetry of slain rapper "Tupac Shakur". Although I believe the school made an irresponsible decision in using the horrible role model and fountain of death that is Tupac, my analysis of the issue does determine there to be nothing wrong with incorporating aspects of popular culture, namely hip-hop into teaching. Many educational conservatives would probably disagree with me as I once recall hearing someone say, "We just need to get back to teaching like we used to", but I believe we need to reclaim true relevancy from those who've tainted its honor.

We can't much blame the word "relevant" itself, but rather a culture that is intent on watering down any semblance of truth we have left. Today, "relevancy" has meant lowered standards and embarrassing compromise. The music industry is the most perfect example of this. Today, a female vocalist with a recording contract is more likely to turn in her modest, body-covering clothes for a smaller, tighter, and more revealing ensemble as time goes on. This is all in an effort to stay "relative". The sad thing is that as it stands, the quest for relevancy has been somewhat looked down upon by many conservatives who continue to ride the horse of traditionalism as if it were Smarty Jones at the 2004 Kentucky Derby. And quite frankly, every now and then, I'm a bit tempted to permanently cement my own backside to that horse too. It's difficult in a culture where you almost feel like you have to go to the absolute counter extreme in everything because people are so lawless and "relative" any middle ground is completely overrun. Human nature generally leads us to end up on the opposite side of the philosophical spectrum just for the sake of being there--and being right (which we usually are).

It is a shame that only recently have political parties and private interest groups humbled themselves and begun to seek out support from members of my generation. Major consumer corporations caught wind of cultural relevancy long before the Bush/Kerry election, but now all of a sudden there's this push for Republicans to be "hip". I am appreciative of strides to get the younger generation voting, but part of me feels it's incredibly disingenuous.

Conceptually, the idea of "cultural relevance" is great. It acknowledges the fact that in many cases, a conversion process is necessary for a society that is constantly evolving. Deciding whether or not we want to be relevant isn't really the main question--it's how and when.

It's important to recognize that "relevancy" is completely amoral. It is neither good nor bad, but just method of transmitting information more effectively. I'm a firm believer in the purest form of cultural relevancy. We live in a world today where ideas and concepts can't always be presented at face value. I would like to apply this theory to my entire educational career. I'm no genius, but I can think of at least ten better ways to teach Shakespeare's Romeo & Juliet or Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby to the average high school freshman.

Traditionalism always needs checks and balances. The mistake we make is in thinking that traditionalism and relevancy can't exist in the same bubble. I say indeed they can! The beauty in traditional principles (the good ones at least) is that they are timeless, and can be applied to any generation. We cannot afford to overlook trends in this country. What are our children drawn to musically and why? What are the prevailing philosophies and ideologies in the music they're listening to? What is the television teaching them? What companies get the most of the younger generation's dollars? What's the number one issue they are facing? These are all important things to know if you wish to have any type of impact on the next generation.

Our approach at reaching out to the younger crowd (of which I am glad to be a part) is often arrogant and unresearched. People have not done their homework. Instead, they are quick to dismiss trends as passing fads, refuse to see the motivation behind certain demeaning behavior, and overlook powerful communicative aspects of the culture. This is dangerous business, and if this doesn't change, we will surely lose the culture war. In the Bible, the "Sons of Issachar" were deemed wise because they understood the "signs of the times". My question is, "When will we?"

Just in: Teaneck, NJ sucks.

(Back to regularly scheduled blogging later on today.)

Once again, I must say I'm a little disappointed that I haven't yet received any calls to come to the Republican National Convention to do fashion critiques. For what it's worth, I think conservatives tend to be better dressed than their nemesis. Then again, I live in hippie-town Seattle where the "theme" store is Eddie Bauer so I could be just a tad biased.

So my iBook and I are on the road again, or rather "in the air again" as a reader was so kind to correct me last time around. A mixture of business and pleasure, I'll be hitting six eastcoast states like the ravenous beast of a traveler that I am. Right now, I'm on my way to New Jersey of all places. Perhaps I shall try to snag an interview with our latest fallen politician--or not.

A major highlight of the trip will be in Washington D.C. when I get the pleasure of meeting two other bloggers and Conservative Brotherhood members La Shawn Barber and Avery Tooley. A grand time will be had by all.

Lastly, the column dilemma. I've received some really good feedback via email and a couple of additional suggestions for column titles. I 'll be updating the list shortly. Any feedback is more than appreciated.

Random Revelatory Thought of the day: One of the most humble places you can ever be, is on your knees, in prayer...or cleaning the toilet.

For the record, we are not a lost generation entirely. I stand as living proof. So this weekend, I was flipping through channels (yes I unfortunately do watch my share of idiot boxcracy) and stopped at MTV to see what current trite and self-loathing message they were peddling. For once in quite a long while, I was delightfully surprised to find them announcing the winner of the 2004 Republican National Convention & MTV's 'Choose or Lose' 'Stand Up and Holla!' (both poor attempts to title something hip and relevant) Essay Contest. It seems the Republican Party is realizing its need to do a little bit more outreach. This will always be a very good thing. But here's the even better part, the winner is none other than a black female. Well Hot Dog!

Princella Williams, whose titles include Chairman of District 4 for the Arkansas College Republicans and being the youngest member of "African-Americans for Bush", is without a doubt, my current pick for "young people doing big things". An MTV press release reports:

"The 2004 Republican National Convention and MTV's "Choose or Lose: 20 Million LOUD!" campaign today announced Princella Smith of Wynne, AR, as the winner of the "Stand Up and Holla!" essay contest. Princella was announced as the winner on MTV's Total Request Live (TRL) this evening and will join Republicans from across the nation as they convene at Madison Square Garden this month to re-nominate President George W. Bush. Princella will take the stage as an official program participant and address the nation on Tuesday, August 31. Convention officials also announced that each of the top ten finalists for the contest have been invited to attend the convention. MTV's "Choose or Lose: 20 Million LOUD!" aims to get 20 million young voters, aged 18-30, to the polls in November."

Do mine eyes deceive me? I think I just may have found a reason to watch the RNC afterall. Princella is a student at Ouachita Baptist University where's she's extremely involved in her community and consistently mobilizing her peers to create change and maintain a moral standard and worldview. Contestants in the essay contest were asked to write about George W. Bush's "call to service" and how they've demonstrated it in their own communities. Out of almost 1,000 essays submitted, Princella's was chosen.

The following are a few excerpts from her essay:

"We have the privilege of uniting under a leader, President George W. Bush, who calls us to a higher purpose. Instead of Generation X, he inspires us to be what I call Generations X-ample...our generation of 18-year-old soldiers can take a stand against the horrors of terrorism in order to bring peace and democracy to those who have no hope...The president has called on our generation to move out into the world and adhere to the share of service: to volunteer in school tutoring programs through the No Child Left Behind Act; to get involved with after-school programs; to volunteer with church-sponsored events that aid the shut-ins and assist the needy; and to engage in charity..."

Now that'll preach. (Translation of Nyk vernacular: Go girl!). I am thoroughly giddy at this prospect.

I am completely flabbergasted by all the suggestions and encouragement I've received about my new column. I have to say I think they all are pretty good. I have until Friday to make a decision. The problem now is I have too many choices!

My Favorite So Far:
Personally Responsible
Left Out
The Requisite Weekly Rant
Kickin' it Right
Liberal Flambe' (although that'd be mighty risky)
Cultural Cross Dressing
The Fallen Intellectual
Higher Level
Real Talk
Also, someone suggested co-opting something from the Bible, which is full of hot language.

Just Plain Hilarious Suggestions:

You Know I'm Right!
I'm Just Fine. What's Wrong with You?
No She Dih'ent.....

If anyone has any other suggestions, please send them my way. I'm getting closer to a decision but not nearly close enough. In the meantime, I just realized how much fun it would be to write t-shirt slogans. One of my favorite ones as told by Cliff Huxtable on the Cosby Show:

"My parents gave it all they had, but I didn't."

Funny stuff.

UPDATE: I'm narrowing the field. A few additions people suggested:
- Politickin' (it's a double-entendre)
- Consider This
- Something ending in "ology"
- Now That'll Preach
- Diamonds and Pearls
- The Column
- Nykolsworth??
- Conservatices CAN dance
- It's Just Who I Am
- Ambra Alert

Help?!!

Air travel in this country can sometimes be a joke (in the best and worst possible sense of the word). It didn't just change two years ago. It's always been a little shaky if you ask me.

I've probably done more travel in my lifetime than I'd prefer to admit. I'm not sure why, but for whatever reason a good percentage of my short 22 years have been spent on airplanes. And I mean a GOOD percentage. The longest flights I've ever been on were somewhere between 16-18 hours from London, England to somewhere in Southern Africa (it's all a blur after your feet have swelled to the size of two steroid-injected watermelon) with the ultimate destination being Zimbabwe. The shortest? Well, those flights usually take place on commuter jets that statistically seem 50% more likely to crash and generally sound like their propellers are being held together by duct tape and safety-pins.

For the long flights, suprisingly, 16 hours in a confined breathing space with people who could care less about how much "pillow room" you have isn't as bad as it sounds. I've been on 16, 9, 6, even 4 and 5 hour flights. None of which were ever that bad if you ask me. But nothing, I repeat nothing is as bad as a 2.6599999 hour flight. The tragedy of my wimpy attention span not being entertained by some cheesy in-flight movie or horrendous airplane food is magnified on the typical short flight. I preface with this bit of navel-gazing to say I think I'm fairly qualified and justified to rant generalizations about flying.

First off, can I just say that I am tired of dealing with machines instead of people. So I get it. Most airlines have gone to automated check-in kiosks. For the most part this is a stride forward with decreased waiting time and more efficiency--most of the time. But how often we forget that computers can only take us as far as our brains are willing to go. It's all fine and dandy really, but today, why does it now take three times as long to check-in then it did when there were real, life, breathing, trash-talking individuals. I want my rude ticket agent back please!

Then there's security screening. I LAUGH in the face of anyone who is actually banking on their ultimate safety being held in the hands of any human being when they fly. I am truly thankful that I call myself a child of God and walk in His divine protection because I wouldn't trust those jokers to keep me safe even if I was back on vicodin again (and before you email me, no I haven't taken any since the swollen cheek).

The enemy's not going to come the same way by air again anyway, but even if he (used grammatically here) was, he would have his manipulative way nonetheless because the essence of hijacking a mass of steel full of 150 burly citizens is essentially more a mind/power game than anything else. So go in the bathroom and brake the mirror and BAM, you have a weapon. I don't care how much strategic intelligence we have, without discernment, evil would surely find a way. But anyway....

Considering the fact that the security screeners generally fit the "I hate my life and can't believe I'm stuck with this crappy job" persona, I can't say I put a great deal of trust that they are keeping an eye out for suspicious activity, let alone that they even give a care that the guy in the leather jacket over there just stole homechick's laptop off the x-ray belt.

Then there's the gum-chewing. It exudes unprofessionalism. Hey you! Aren't you supposed to be a trusted security professional? Would you mind spitting out the gum? This is not the set of Cheers and you're not Carla.

And I'm not getting all hot and bothered because by coincidence I'm sure, I get stopped and searched every. single. flippin'. time. I fly. I know I know, I just have that "dangerous terrorist" look about me. And I can hear the popular opinion now saying, "Well it should do your heart good to know that they're actually searching people". Maybe, but I'm not that much of an optimist in that regard. It sure doesn't do my heart any good to know that the nerdodic, wholesome, Bible-toting, square who's barely got a blemish on her driving record, and is such a girly girl that she jumps at the shot of a BB gun, consistently gets frisked by the butch female officer, beeped by that dumb beeping thing, and gets her laptop examined with rubber gloves like it's hiding contraband. Let's get a little DISCERNMENT HERE PEOPLE. Trust me, I'm not the one you're looking for. I can however, show you how to cheat on Tetris.

I think I must wear the wrong clothes. That must be it.

"Do you have any metal in your shoes?" inquires the half-awake security agent.

"Huh? What? No I don't think so," I reply sarcastically as if I know the inner workings of every pair of shoes I own. Oh yeah sure and let me tell you the other ingredients used by the shoe manufacturer. Please.

"Well you're beeping. I'm going to need you to remove your shoes please. Step over here, spread your legs, and stand with your feet on the mat."

Did he just use the word "spread"? You mean to tell me that you want me to put my bare feet on that there mat where some 90,000 other fungus-carrying, hermataphite-ridden peds have been placed a couple hours earlier? Au contraire mon frere. Ambra doesn't do common barefoot areas.

And lastly, I'd like to briefly address a couple of the airplane "passengers" who have the audacity to call themselves American citizens:

Just what in tarnation would posses someone to start PAINTING THEIR NAILS on an airplane? Yes, she did, and we all could smell it. The air is CIRCULATED my dear, thanks for the whiff.

I also hereby declare that alcohol purchasing limits should be placed on passengers. Being seated next to the drunk gang of guys on their way to the Stanley Cup gave me a lifetime's dosage of offensive misogyny.

And lastly (for now), when the airplane lands and we taxi to the gate, and the pilot turns off that nice little seat-belt sign, indicating that we may now unbuckle our lap-belts, stand up, grab our carry-on luggage and go NOWHERE, could all of you calm yourselves the heck down? THERE IS NO FIRE. WE WILL ALL GET OFF THE PLANE EVENTUALLY.

[Past Monthly Rants: July June, April ]

Yesterday, when I emailed Glenn Reynolds (who gets hundreds of emails daily) to thank him for randomly linking an obscure little black Christian girl on 'net, he emailed me back in about two minutes. TWO MINUTES! This puts me to wretched shame as I still have emails from 2001 I've yet to respond to (blog readers however are a bit more important to me).

My mail bag's been picking up a bit lately. This is both good and bad as I enjoy correspondence with readers. The "bad" is entirely relative since I haven't received too much of the "I can't stand your guts and you're ugly" type of feedback yet which solidifies my position as an LMNOPQ-list writer (a place I'm quite happy with by the way).

The "form" emails I most frequently get are the ones telling me I need to get my butt back in college and get a degree because it is surely the only thing that will make me viable in the job market, help me make lots of money, complete my biggest dreams, fulfill my purpose, keep me "regular", and most importantly, forgive my sins and save my soul from the pit of hell. I don't mind these so much, however, emails that don't fit this norm always stand out more to me. Today was no different. I'm going to excerpt an email I received today from an individual who made some really good points I thought I'd share...

Craig Kingsbury writes:

"I thought your piece on 'graduating slaves' made some interesting points that deserve a lot more attention these days. It's possible that I'm not a great person to get involved in this debate; I'm a 28yo WM whose father put the money away to pay all my bills, so "it's easy for me to say" a lot of things, some of which may even be true. That being said...

1. There is no question in my mind that there is too much college going around these days. This could perhaps be corrected by raising standards; I went to Tufts, which is ostensibly an elite school, but even there the most substantial thing a large (30%?) portion of the kids did was to get in. All downhill from there.

2. Interesting new alternatives are emerging (c.f. University of Phoenix) which change some aspects of the equation by eliminating the full-time-residential aspect of college, which forces people to shoulder the massive opportunity cost of not working fulltime. Which coincidentally guarantees that students graduate with no work experience and thus suffer from huge disadvantages particularly in a down market.

3. If I were President of Harvard (ha!) I'd be inclined to announce that, beginning five years from now, we will not accept any student directly out of high school. You must be out a minimum of one year before you can apply. In practice this would mean a lot more kids going on backpacking trips through Europe and Thailand for a year, but even this would be an improvement. Kids at that age need to blow off a certain amount of steam. I think this worked very well with the baby boomers' parents because they were largely people who had been involved in WWII/Korea, where by your early twenties you'd had enough excitement and were ready to settle down.

4. Working in technology in Boston, I have been at the forefront of some of the changes (e.g. off shoring) that are causing many to question (rightly) long-held maxims of how one can obtain the Good Life. I mentioned to a friend, who was desperately unemployed as a low-level computer programmer of the kind now routinely shipped off to South Asia, that he ought to consider becoming an auto mechanic. I knew from consulting for a GM unit that one of the biggest problems all carmakers were facing was that service technicians were becoming largely unable to cope with the complexity for newer cars which had more computers than greasy parts. The result was that diagnosing and fixing problems could take many hours, all of which was being done under warranty at cost to the manufacturer. Now, this fellow absolutely loved high-performance European cars, talked of them day and night, and fantasized about maybe one day being able to afford one. S'truth, he could as a service tech make upwards of $50/hour, with many managers earning well into the 100k range around here, at least a third more than he was likely to make in IT, and besides, you can't have a guy in India fixing a car sitting in Worcester, so your job's more secure to boot. Similar arguments could be made for plenty of other trades, electricians and plumbers in particular.

But! Those are grubby-hands jobs with dirt under your fingernails. and what college-edumacated parent would be proud to say their son was an *auto mechanic*, even if he's got a nicer house than Bob's son the engineer because he didn't have 50k in loans to pay off?"

Word, yo.

Over the last couple weeks, I've altogether avoided addressing the talk about the Swift Boat controversy and the recent book Unfit for Command (still a #1 best-seller last I checked) which raises legitimate concerns about John Kerry's war record, and all other issues in that vicinity. I've done this for two reasons. Number one, I just don't care. This is the type of major minutiae that drives me batty about presidential elections. I don't like John Kerry, I don't agree with what he stands for, I'm not voting for him and I don't care if he did or didn't have a self-inflicted wound, he's still not getting my vote.

My second, more pressing reason for not discussing the book is because well, everyone else was talking about it and I'm not prone to beating decomposing horses, so I take pictures of ugly cars and post them instead. However, the recent fall-out with Michelle Malkin and Chris Matthews over the shrapnel in John Kerry's leg has created in me an itch that I just need to scratch. This big media thing irks me to no end.

To start, purveyor of ubiquitous amounts of libcrap (however still a good source for hard to come by media) Oliver Willis (who has the nerve to call Malkin "Deposed Leader of the Coalition of the Insane" and trackback the post to her own blog) has supplied some lovely footage of the actual Malkin/Matthews exchange for those of us who didn't get the chance to view it. If you're like me and you can't stand Hardball, Chris Matthews, or any of the other endless non-productive banter that takes place on those types of shows, you probably didn't. I figured having actually seen the exchange is pretty important for proper analysis so I watched it.

Michelle Malkin has given a fairly extensive account of all that took place behind the scenes. Meanwhile, the Left has been busy slinging mud, discussing how "dumb" she was, posting captures of her interview and critiquing the "craziness" of her expressions calling her looks "ugly" and "hideous". It's all very childish if you ask me. And let's all be honest with ourselves, even Stevie Wonder can see that Mickey Malkin is drop-dead gorgeous.

So here's my take. Yes, Chris Matthews completely yanked the conversation and made Michelle to look foolish for merely discussing what was mentioned in the book (which apparently Matthews hadn't read). He was rude, interrupted, didn't allow her time to answer, and did the typical male-domineering, patronizing, I'm-the-host-you're-the-puny guest behavior that takes place in so many ambush interviews. My question is, why would anyone expect anything different? The nature of the interviews on these types of news shows is ratings driven if anything else. An event such as this hardly shocks me.

Although I prefer the slant of Fox news over anything else, I'm not above admitting that the stylings of Hannity & Colmes, Bill O'Reily (although he's a favorite), and the rest of their hair-dyed buddies often grate every last one of my nerves. I can probably count on one hand the number of productive, meaningful conversations that take place in those venues.

Instead you get (and I realize I'm making a blanket-statement here) testosterone-driven (unless Gloria Alrecht is a guest, in which case it's still testosterone-driven, it just wears perfume), puffed-up, high-falutin', arrogant and meaningless banter. It's about as appealing as liver and onions served on a trashcan lid. When I watch Fox news, I do so with my finger strategically placed on the mute button.

For what it's worth, I think women face a bigger challenge in that they have to wade through preconceptions and stereotypes in order to be respected by their interviewer. On her blog, Michelle mentioned prior comments Chris Matthews made about her being too young to be on the show. As an attractive young woman, I can imagine she's got countless stories about inappropriate behavior on behalf of Neanderthal (oh wait, I don't believe in evolution) counterparts.

Funny, the same thing that's required of you in the business is the same thing that hinders you. Beauty in journalism is a virtue and a vice. Take a look at the babes of Fox News. Funny stuff. Malkin's a veteran, she'll shake this off and be fine.

Other good, balanced recaps and analysis: Burning Bird (minor language warning at end), Late Final, Wizbang

How typical of my history of unpreparedness with this site. The day Instapundit links me I'm in the midst of a messy re-design, transferring to Movable Type and all my archives pages looked temporarily low-budget. Low-budget as in uglier than my swollen cheek a few weeks ago. Situations like this are bad news to a procrastinator-perfectionist such as myself.

So of course I will live out the rest of my days in grief over the fact that the first 250 people who visited this site prior to my correcting the error saw a temporarily messy house. C'est la vie.

Welcome new readers! Site re-design coming tomorrow August 23rd Tuesday, August 24th Wednesday, August 25th, barring I haven't yet gouged out my eyes.

As a black woman, if I looked like Michael Moore (aka frump boy), there is no way in this society I would be accepted visually by the media in such epic proportions. It seems at times, women in media are relegated to radio, authorship, and other behind-the-scenes work if they aren't almost model-like pretty, and don't you dare let us get (she gasps) a wrinkle, because then it would be all over.

However, the increasingly decrepit looking Dan Rather still gets paying gigs. If in 15 or so years when Barbara Walters' face lift wears off, she is still on television, I'll be very impressed. I'm not complaining, just observing. Sad to say, I understand this phenomenon quite well.

But in the case of Michael Moore, he is the poster-child for widely accepted frumpiness. It is rather ironic that he has the nerve to caution our country on the evils of overconsumption. So anyway, it was announced Wednesday he just got another book deal.

Reassuring us that indeed the entire publishing industry is about dollars and not content, Simon & Schuster have signed him up to publish two new books. And as if you could expect anything different from our dear lying propagandist, both books are due out before election this fall. As predicted, the first is a companion to Moore's latest controversial film titled, "The Official 'Fahrenheit 9-11' Reader". Quite frankly, I'm thinking you could get the same effect reading used toilet paper tissue (did you cringe when you read that like I did when I wrote it?). The second book will be a collection of letters written to Moore from U.S. troops in Iraq called, "Will They Ever Trust Us Again".

Admittedly, part of me is curiously interested in all the second book entails. Too bad Moore doesn't get my cash. Surely the public library will stock a few. If not, there's always theft.

As a black woman, if I looked like Michael Moore (aka frump boy), there is no way in this society I would be accepted visually by the media in such epic proportions. It seems at times, women in media are relegated to radio, authorship, and other behind-the-scenes work if they aren't almost model-like pretty, and don't you dare let us get (she gasps) a wrinkle, because then it would be all over.

However, the increasingly decrepit looking Dan Rather still gets paying gigs. If in 15 or so years when Barbara Walters' face lift wears off, she is still on television, I'll be very impressed. I'm not complaining, just observing. Sad to say, I understand this phenomenon quite well.

But in the case of Michael Moore, he is the poster-child for widely accepted frumpiness. It is rather ironic that he has the nerve to caution our country on the evils of overconsumption. So anyway, it was announced Wednesday he just got another book deal.

Reassuring us that indeed the entire publishing industry is about dollars and not content, Simon & Schuster have signed him up to publish two new books. And as if you could expect anything different from our dear lying propagandist, both books are due out before election this fall. As predicted, the first is a companion to Moore's latest controversial film titled, "The Official 'Fahrenheit 9-11' Reader". Quite frankly, I'm thinking you could get the same effect reading used toilet paper tissue (did you cringe when you read that like I did when I wrote it?). The second book will be a collection of letters written to Moore from U.S. troops in Iraq called, "Will They Ever Trust Us Again".

Admittedly, part of me is curiously interested in all the second book entails. Too bad Moore doesn't get my cash. Surely the public library will stock a few. If not, there's always theft.

A meeting with Seattle-based hip-hop and culture source Seaspot Magazine (both printed and online) solidified the deal. I've been asked to assume a weekly political column as the lone conservative voice (crazy as I may be). The opportunity was completely unexpected for me, and I owe a great deal of thanks to the National Review article exposure, as well as the prodding of a good friend. God-willing, I sense this is only the beginning. I guess it has to be, I'm only 22 after all!

In the meantime, I'm being asked to move rather quickly with my first deadline fast approaching. Currently, I've been tasked with naming my column. Perhaps braindead by the shock of this all, I can't think of a single catchy idea. In light of this, faithful Nykola.com readers (and not-so-faithful ones as well), I solicit your advice! I need to name my column and it has to be something I'll be happy with for the long run. Help!?

The tag-team on "talk" continues as Avery Tooley has posted a literal transcript of a brief dialogue he and I had on this very topic on his site. The conversation is in "Standard English" and what Avery refers to as "Black Vernacular". 'Tis interesting...

Trackbacks to this analysis:

8/12 Avery writes: Stats is High on SBV or (Standard Black Vernacular)

8/16 Ambra writes: So You Say I "Talk White"

8/16 Avery writes: Talkin' Black

8/17 Avery writes: Sneaker vs. Gym Shoe Analogy for Dialect

I snapped this picture last weekend while I was in downtown Seattle. While I try to keep my two cents specific to fashion trends, I'm going to take the liberty to comment on this "car" I found while walking. I'm going to keep this brief:

1. There is not now nor will there ever be a time when matching your hubcaps to the color of your car is acceptable.

2. Burnt orange is okay for certain things: accent colors, clothing items, fruit, vomit, but absolutely not ever appropriate for hubcaps.

Back to regularly scheduled blogging

I don't often use the word "hate". It's a strong and pointed word I prefer to reserve for when it's truly necessary. Today's topic seems fitting. Plainly stated, I hate PETA. I can say this with a good deal of certainty since "PETA" is just an organization that stands for some principles that oppose my entire worldview. The people within the organization I suppose I can learn to love (I don't really have much of a choice). Essentially, I have zero respect for their principles, but even less respect for the manner in which they choose to propagate their lies.

A recent report published by the Center for Consumer Freedom called PETA Wants Your Kids" exposed some unsettling realities about the downright trifling nature of PETA. Targeting children as early as elementary school with violent and often graphic propaganda, PETA has been strategic in tapping into the greatest market of potential animal-worshipping religion builders: your children. The report expounds,

"Sidestepping parents and school authorities, PETA lures young and impressionable children into radical activism with a coordinated effort including the use of graphic comic books, grotesque toys, schoolyard demonstrations, e-mail alerts sent directly to 65,000 children, and even a classroom lecturer with a felony rap sheet."

Here locally in Seattle, we've had a number of run-ins with PETA pushers. Just this past year, they showed up on a local inner-city middle school campus, handing out pens made to looks like syringes with animal blood in them. The attached message, "Eating Meat is Like Doing Drugs". Sounds like PETA may need a little diversity sensitivity training. HA! I recall another time where they handed out literature and graphic comic books to elementary school students alleging, "Your Mommy is a Murderer" right along with a picture of a cartoon June-Cleaveresque mother holding a knife killer-style over a horrifed and bloody rabbit. PETA is fortunate to not have come across any crazy over-protective, tell-it-like-it-is mothers like my own. One can imagine if the wrong child came home with that particular pamphlet, it would be a sure word of prophecy -- only this time, animals wouldn't be the victims. PETA has done more over the last couple of years to solidify themselves as a full-fledged cult in my book. Don't believe me? Check out this quote from a PETA Vice-President

"Our campaigns are always geared towards children and always will be." - PETA VP Dan Matthews, Fox News channel, (December 19, 2003)

Intersting, this is the same business principle that has kept McDonald's successful. They foster early relationships with children and form life-long customers.

If we allow these wicked agencies to have their way with our children, in 40 years, we will be looking at an even more licentious and perilous America. Thankfully, sane citizens bent on raising havoc in the world won't have it that way.

Note: You can download the entire report published by the Center for Consumer Freedom here in pdf format. Read it when you get the chance, the findings are shocking.

There are some mighty smart people who frequent this site. Sometimes I am blown away by the clarity and thought people put into their comments (all of which I read by the way). I always take extra note when someone is able to pull an external laugh out of me. I've decided I'm going to start posting insightful and witty comments every now and then. After a long day and a tough business presentation, logging onto my computer to see this comment cracked me up (in response to my assertion that Alan Keyes sounds like a white man), Brian wrote:

"Alan Keyes doesn't talk white, he talks GREEN! Am I the only one who hears Kermit the d*** frog when he speaks?"

No Brian, you're not. Kermit Keyes for Senate? You might be on to something.

Snapped this shot of our lovely Mt. Rainier upon departure from Seattle yesterday morning. I'm really not as much of a picture nerd as I may seem, I just happened to have my camera and a clear shot. Really.

As much as I lament my distaste for all of patchouli-smelling, trail-mix eating, hemp-wearing Seattle's nature enthusiasts, part of me actually likes this aspect of the Pacific Northwest. It's give and take. In high school I grunted my way through a white-water rapids trip for the sake of a graduation requirement and ended up liking it. I draw the line at digging holes in the ground for makeshift toilets. Yes, I'm that uppity. Be that as it may, I pretty much have a clear view of Mt. Rainier on a daily basis and probably take it for granted, but from above, it's truly beautiful. I'll have to remember this picture the next time I feel like running one of those idiodic, environmentally-friendly, spandex-wearing, can't-decide-if-they're-a-car-or-a-bike, break all the laws, and have the nerve to cuss at me bicyclists off the road. Yeah, I love Seattle.

Upcoming...why airports are a joke.

It has been said (and tangibly demonstrated via one particularly significant individual) that influence and character flows from the head down. If I were a New Jersey resident, I'd be moving right about now. This whole situation reeks of bad news.

One of the disadvantages of being in the air is that you're a day late and a dollar short on the happenings in political la-la land. Surely old talk by now, but imagine my chagrin when I caught up on the news and found my old pal Alan Keyes making an embarrassment out of himself. Oh wait, he already did that last week. Well, for what it's worth, at least he's consistent. After fumbling around some thoughts about reparations being good in principle, Keyes has issued a statement to "clarify" his position. Relative definition of clarify: huh?

These days, Mr. Keyes is making it very difficult for supporters like me to vouch for his political aptitude. Now I see why people like Bill Clinton remain so popular; blind loyalty. Granted, being a yapping carpetbagger doesn't really compare to being a shady, adulterous loser, but conceptually, I think I'm starting to get it. Strangely enough, I still like Keyes (I know I know, just slap me already).

My simple take on reparations: absolutely not. I think that about covers my general opinion. Can I understand an argument for them? Sure -- doesn't mean I agree with it. Admittedly, I haven't done much research on the topic. I recall the history on renumeration for the Japanese, but to be honest, I'm unable to really sumise any good purpose it accomplished. Reparations, or as Cedric the Entertainer's character "Eddie" in the movie Barbershop called them, "Respirations", are not going to accomplish much of anything in my opinion. Respirations on the other hand, would. You know, a little oxygen, some supplement and aid to the breathing process in our cultural and socio-economic development. Surely communities on the respirator aren't going to be aided by any amount of money. That's why 75% of lottery winners go broke in less than a few years. It's the difference between being given a fish, catching a fish, and owning the pond. I happen to be in favor of pond ownership.

The black community doesn't need hand-outs, they need a few hand slaps (ouch I felt that). I tip my hat to Friar Cosby for publicly offering a few light love taps. Growing up, (and admittedly a few months ago), my mother used to pop me one on the hand every now and then when I reached for something that didn't belong to me or that I didn't need. I despise the minority mentality. It lacks vision, self-confidence, and allows itself to be tricked into thinking it is ill-equipped to do anything substantial and meaningful in this life without the aid of the big-brother.

I don't know about you, but I vote for respirations.

(Nyk points to Michael King)

Today, I'm headed on a brief business trip to Southern California. This begins a rather long stretch of travel for me. Strangely enough, I doubt that will keep me from posting since leaving home always brings new insights, revelation, and unsuspecting fashion victims. Plus, having my trusty iBook with me keeps me close to one of my favorite places in the world (besides Jesus' bosom of course), that'd be the internet. I'm looking forward to posting via my various satellites.

A snapshot of my current life:
- You know life is pathetic when you actually look at business travel as a vacation.

- You know it's time for re-evaluation when you're standing in the middle of your studio apartment thinking, "Boy I sure could use a housekeeper". To my credit, it's a huge studio. Still doesn't change the pitifulness of that last notion.

P.S. Thanks to those who gave website change recommendations. I am taking every last one of them into account.

P.P.S. I've been hiding from my comments the last couple of days, I know. For those who've dropped some good thoughts in a comment section, I'll be responding to comments when I get into my hotel room.

I said it from the get-go. When New Jersey Governor McGreevey declared last week that he was, "A Gay American" he spoke more than just words, he spoke strategy. I read a recent op-ed on Town Hall that better articulates the significance of McGreevey's statement. Columnist Dennis Prager writes in the piece The 'I am a gay American' defense,

"Threatened with a sexual harassment lawsuit by his alleged male lover, having appointed him, a thoroughly unqualified man, as homeland security advisor at a time when America, in particular, the New York metropolitan area, is threatened with horrific terror and with any number of other instances of corruption already revealed and more likely to come out, Governor McGreevey saw the future and realized he had to resign from office.

But the way he did it was a masterstroke. He turned opprobrium into compassion.

He did it with one sentence. "I am a gay American."

On the face of it, it is irrelevant to whatever wrongs he may have committed against his state, his wife or his religion. But he did so because he knew that it would immediately deflect attention from his actions to his sexual orientation.

And then he would receive at least as much understanding and compassion as condemnation.
Why?

Because the moment he announced he was gay, people assumed that he did what he did because a homophobic society forced him, a homosexual, to live a fraudulent heterosexual life."

Exactly. Taking advantage of the double-standard we have in our society for proper relationships, McGreevey has positioned himself for a parachute landing. Praeger goes on to discuss past instances where the American public has pardoned certain behaviors in the case of homosexuality that wouldn't have otherwise been viewed the same way in heterosexual relationships. Prager ultimately decides that no one should be forced to resign from office because they commit an infidelity. I say surely we would have far fewer people in government if this were at all consistently actionable.

It's somewhat of a slippery slope. Be that as it may, McGreevey's decision (or coercion depending on your view) to resign as he did leaves a lot of issues up in the air. Given the circumstances and apparent double-standard, people are already speculating about the shadiness of his dealings. Then again, the rest of America is still fixated on those three words so strategically spoken, as I'm sure McGreevey is pleased to observe.

Since the National Review article, I've decided to embrace the title of "playful philosopher" for what it's worth.

On the subject of Talking, Slang, the English Language, and all points in between, I've enlisted (or he's enlisted me, it's all debatable) the help of grad-student, English connoisseur, and fellow member of the Conservative Brotherhood, Avery Tooley for a tag-team effort. Avery has a great grasp of the English language and a slightly different background than myself. Who knows how long it will last (probably until we have both talked ourselves into a tizzy), and I don't expect we'll agree on everything (since he is after all, a prescriptivist), but it should be fun and thought-provoking nonetheless.

He responds.

Oreo, Banana, the nicknames, right along with ideologies get old. When Mattel served up Oreo Barbie, I can't help but wonder what on earth they were thinking. Somewhere, there's an entire research and development team that needs to be fired. There is of course, the other, irreverent, and inappropriate side of me that can only chuckle since "Oreo" is a term with which I am closely acquainted (not wanting to assume anything, "Oreo" is the preferred term for a black person who's "white inside"). This Barbie doll was of course, immediately recalled from the market, but it serves as a great reminder of a prevalent ideology we have in our society. It's the idea that a person's behaviors are indicative of the color of their skin. A few weeks back I discussed the notion of "Acting White", within the context of education. Another piece to this complicatedly sick puzzle is speech and diction. The idea of "talking white" has been a lifelong battle for me. I've been accused of it, defended it, refuted it, and now, I shall attempt to explain it.

Standard English Language
Before delving into this complicated topic, I think it's worthwhile to clarify a few terms and ideas. As I understand it, there are three ways in which a person could be accused of the heinous crime of "talking white". The focus of what I refute is the first, since it's more largely recognized. To "talk white" usually means to speak in standardized English (whatever that is). For the sake of discourse, let's just say a working knowledge of the information contained in Strunk & White's Elements of Style should be in order for anyone who presumes to take on the "proper" usage of our great and almighty English language.

I grew up in the Pacific Northwest where interesting dialect is seriously lacking. Unlike the South, where you can find hicks with worse sentence structure than the average fourth-grader, here in the land of Microsoft, we over-enunciate syllables, and use big dictionary words we don't understand. When I went to college, speech was the first thing I was teased about amongst my black New Yorker friends, who dropped off the ends of words like bad habits. I was told I had an accent and spoke "proper". Proper of course, by default indicates that any other type of language besides standardized Strunk & White English is uncivilized. Just who perpetuated that myth?

I reject the aforementioned definition of "talking white" because standardized English is just that: standard. It's the commonly and widely recognized norm our society has chosen as a means of communication. This doesn't mean it's the best form (although I've had English teachers who would lay their lives down for this cause), or necessarily the "right" form, but it is the form, and a person would be ignorant and lofty to think they could be so flippant as to trounce upon its rich history and respect by walking into a job interview and dropping street slang.

That said, our reverence for the standardized English language as "god" goes borderline gluttony in higher academia as I recall once, I attempted to start flipping through a few doctoral theses for my own reading pleasure. Standard English is one thing -- high-falutin', snotty, over-intellectualized, and self-absorbed writing and talking is quite another. I'm no linguist, but I'm smart enough to know we haven't "arrived" in the current state of the English language. We owe much homage to the rich cultural history from which many of our words derive their origin. Okay, there I said it, moving on.

Rhetoric
The second way a person can be accused of "talking white" is based on rhetoric. Since I reject the notion of using standardized English as being a "white attribute", I will say that I can accept the idea that certain language or words may warrant the title of "white speech" or "black speech" or whatever other culture from which a word or expression may find its root. We've all heard the term "Ebonics" or Standardized Black Vernacular (both terms I reject), but I recently came across a plainly stated and thought-provoking piece by English nerd Avery Tooley on this very topic. Read it, and then pop an Aspirin.

I am brave enough to say that there just might be some "black expressions" and "white words" and everything in between. There are certain words or idiomatic expressions that sprout out from varying cultures. Everyone say it with me now, "This is okay".

Example one: I'm a big fan of Yiddish. The intent, the clean vulgarity of it all, wrapped up in its straight forward nature are just fitting to my personality. I'm not sure why, but there are times I'd like to renounce my Gentile status and take that passage of scripture that speaks to being "grafted in" as literal and assume my position as a full-blown Messianic Jew; and then I woke up. My fantasies of being a Jewish girl aside, Yiddish expressions stand alone as far from standardized English, definitively non-blonde-haired-blue-eyed, yet clear and somewhat accepted in communication interspersed with what we call Standard English.

Example two: When I was a teenager, I did a bit of acting and once landed myself in a Cap'n Crunch Christmas Crunch commercial (I'm going to break my contract by saying don't ever buy the stuff it's wretchedly bad I tell you). In one scene, myself and the other white boy in the commercial were supposed to yell out exclamations of excitement over this very awesome, unique, (and wholesome) cereal set before us as Cap'n Crunch in a Santa Hat (really just a cardboard cut out since he's digitally added in the editing room) pranced around us shouting, "Merry Christmas". My first line in the sequence was to exclaim, "RAD!" Yes, that's right, "rad" r-a-d, rad. Granted it was 1995, but as far as I was concerned, black people did not say "rad". That was a term reserved only for blonde-California-surfer-dude-Saved-by-the-Bell-Zack Morris types, of which I was not one. I marched myself right over to the director and informed him of this blasphemous mistake. There was no way on God's green Earth Ambra was going on national television to declare that anything, let alone a brand of cereal was "Rad". I re-negotiated the word "cool" into the script and all was well with the world. My point, however, being that in order to keep the commercial believable (HA!), we had to remain true to cultural expression.

Vocal Intonation
The third way a person can be accused of "talking white" is solely based on their vocal intonation. God's humanity is so deep and wide, we'd all be fools if we thought every last one of us would come out of the womb sounding the same. I don't think it's racist, inflammatory, or insensitive to suggest that as a whole, black people (like many other races) have a distinct sound to their voice. Even being raised in the same surroundings, two people of different ethnic backgrounds are not guaranteed to sound the same. There are times I can talk to someone on the phone or hear them on the radio and tell they're sure enough "a brotha" based on the sound of their voice alone. This is of course, not always the case. When someone breaks this stereotype *cough* Alan Keyes, we brand them as "white-sounding". In a few cases, I would concur, but it usually has absolutely nothing to do with words, intellect or rhetoric. It's purely based on vocal intonation.

Language is an interesting thing. For whatever reason, as a society we've decided on what is socially acceptable and what is not. This is fine, since that is of course the inherent nature and purpose of a society. However, I think the idea of language is in desperate need of more intelligent discourse. We need to do a little bit of talking about talking.

Based on my above definitions, I don't "talk white".

I speak in proper English most of the time. There is nothing about proper English that equates itself to whiteness. In addition, I tailor the English language to fit me or whatever idea I'm out to express. I like to throw in common slang in the midst of plain old words. I'm one of those people who can change up my language style in a matter of seconds. I have a preferred way of speaking, however being thrown from environment to environment has given me a broad scope of language and its uses. Depending on the situation, certain protocol is in order. When I'm at the office and I answer my phone, I recognize what's appropriate. When I'm addressing a group of young people, I can often get their attention by dropping a loose expression they wouldn't expect me to know (conservative nerd that I am) in the midst of standard English.

I am a firm believer in the prolific nature of the English language. Most people haven't even mastered that. Everyone should have the foundation of standard English and an understanding of its grammatical elements. However, from there on, people should be free to choose the manner in which they choose to express themselves at any given time, yet knowing that there are consequences for their choice of speech in any given situation. Teaching standardized English effectively is the biggest hurdle for our school systems to jump. Even in a perfect world, with a mass of students well-versed in standardized English, black kids will still be accused of "talking white". The bigger picture is human nature's continual attempt to make distinctions. The distinctions are there, but they have less to do with education and intellect, and more to do with environment and expression.

After-Thought
A few weeks ago, I came upon a jewel on the internet called the Urban Dictionary. I was
enthralled for about two hours. It's probably one of the more intelligent things
I've come across in awhile. People were dissecting street slang, and other commonly socially unacceptable expressions with grammatical elements. Not only do you have to be creative to do this, you have to be smart too. The focus on equipping this next generation with an understanding of standardized English will be important. Nevertheless, I caution us that when we do this, we should expect to see even more slang and butchering of our highly revered lexicon as my generation is intent on breaking out of the box in everything. Language will be one of them.

There's lots of talk these days about Jesus being a so-called liberal. Ascribing modern-day political affiliations to historical Biblical figures (more specifically, the central figure to all humanity and King of Kings and Lord of Lords) is just plain blasphemous and self-serving. I have also heard it said that Jesus was for social justice. In fact, even I have said this myself. Although, I said it with the caveat that the idea of "social justice" as we know it today is not exactly indicative of the true heart and spirit of mobilization and empowerment I saw in Jesus' ministry. Unfortunately, today the words "social justice" conjure up the sensation of dry heaving libcrap.

Some weeks back, in part three of my epic saga "Why I'm Not a Republican" I mentioned my disappointment in much of the Republican party's attention to the yes, dare I say it, the disenfranchised. That opinion still stands. Is it the government's job to feed the poor, heal the sick, and set the captives free? Well, no. However, it is their job to facilitate an atmosphere where outside agencies can move effectively in this respect. In order for this to take place, actually recognizing the problems of our society is necessary.

Here in Seattle, we have this nomadic homeless camp called "Tent City". They go around Washington, copping lawn space (by permission) to establish their literal "tent city" of homeless people. Generally, it is churches that offer up their property for the nearly 70 homeless people to live on for an agreed amount of time. Much uproar has been made as Tent City once existed in the inner-city, but has now begun making its way into the lovely Seattle suburbs; home of the card-carrying Republican. They are not happy.

I am merely using the issue of homelessness as an example of one of the epidemics facing our society right now. And let's be honest, if your city is anything like mine, being "homeless" has become somewhat in vogue. On an average day, you might see some trusafarian white kid with university tuition fully-paid, sitting on the street corner panhandling because it's "cool", or because they've disowned their parents. I have written in the past about my complete lack of tolerance for anyone who is unwilling to get off their tail and make life happen.

I offer the Tent City analogy for a reason. Recently, City Council approved a plan for Tent City to occupy space in Woodinville, Washington; a community with million dollar homes. They were outraged, as I may be too, although watching their outrage has been far more entertaining and indicative than anyone would have thought. There is however, a greater picture here; It's the idea of being forced to deal with the poor. There was once a time when on any given day, I could arrange to locate myself in a place where I wouldn't be forced to deal with the decay of American society on a daily basis. These days, it's everywhere.

So what is social justice? What is our responsibility to it? And who's leading the pack?

I'm headed to church, but this morning decided I'm sick of the "Urban Outfitters" feel of the site. I'm in the process of changing my publishing platform to MovableType which is more stream-lined, effective, and organized. For this reason, I'm currently in re-configuration HADES. That's okay though because chaos is a comfortable place for me. So I'll be adding categories, expanded commenting capabilities, and all that jazz.

While I'm at it, I figured I oughta consider once again re-designing this little alcove on the web and thought I'd seek out any advice on changes, or additions you'd like to see this next go 'round. This should be the last re-design for awhile.

Please be gentle on me, I designed this one myself.

Am I the last one to know this was happening on September 13th? Dr. Phil eat your heart out.

By happenstance, I found Planned Parenthood's teen outreach site Teenwire today. Yes I realize I am probaby VERY late on the uptake, but I've had the sincere privilege of having few personal acquaintances with the organization. First thoughts when I saw the site: WHAT. IN. TARNATION?? From body diagrams to articles on intersex (clearly something I'm not familiar with as I had to click the link but it seems that being a boy or a girl is not dependent on what's between your legs), a "Queer or Quesetioning" section along with the much frequented "Frequently Asked Questions". Of which, I will post a few:

Dear Experts,

Can you be too fat to have sex? I really want to and I'm not fat, but I'm not a size 6. I'm a size 11 and am I too big to have sex? Can sex still be enjoyable if you're not as skinny?

Answer: Sex can be enjoyable for people of any size!

Dear Experts,

Hello, me and my boyfriend are ready for sex but we don't exacly know which protection we need. Do we only use a condom? What protection do we use?

Answer: Congrats on taking the first step to discussing protection - very smart thinking! Communication is one of the most important parts of being in any relationship, especially if it's a sexual one.

You need to decide which risks you are willing to take - and which ones you aren't. Condoms offer good protection against many sexually transmitted infections. Hormonal birth control methods, such as the Pill or the injection Depo Provera, offer the better protection against pregnancy - but they provide no protection against infection.

Dear Experts,

Hi. I am a bisexual, but i dont want people to know. I just want my partners to know. Is this wrong?

Answer: No. Coming out is a very personal decision. It is up to each person to decide if and when to come out, and who to come out to. Just keep in mind that it's totally normal to be bisexual. There are many people who have sex play with both girls and guys.

Dear Experts,

I want to know if it's too young for a 13-year-old girl to get pregnant?

Answer: There isn't a specific age that is the right time for a woman to get pregnant and raise a child...

Planned Parenthood, always good for enlighting the minds of the youth.

I suppose if it's not one thing, it's another. This time, it's Bill Cosby. Have I mentioned lately how much I love that man? Continuing his crusade to rally the black community to accountatbility and responsiblity, Cosby spent Wednesday night speaking at New Hope Baptist Church in Newark, NJ. The event featured other panelists including three doctors, a reverend (a real one), and a Rutgers University professor.

Cosby's interest in the area was peaked when last April, several prominent Newark city gangs (clearly the Bloods and the Crips) agreed to end all the bloodshed that had once destroyed their community. The Star-Ledger reports,

They [former gang-bangers] also formed an organization, Saving Our Selves, to reduce gang violence. Since then, the group has been working with residents at Baxter Terrace, a public housing development where gang members have been doing neighborhood cleanup.

Well surely something is going right in the great state of New Jersey. If only they knew "firebrand Ambra" was on her way there via business in a week or so...perhaps I can stir up something news-worthy.

If you hear something wacky from the depths of NJ in a few weeks, you'll know it was me. Unless of course, it wasn't. The world may never know.

Joining Bill Clinton in the ranks of shameful political infidelity, New Jersey Governor James E. McGreevey today announced he cheated on his wife with another man. Boy if I had a nickel for every time this happened in government but never made it to press, I'd be Oprah right about now. The nature of politics has produced a literal lot of individuals very skilled at concealing scandalous things. However, this time, McGreevy was caught. The New York Daily News reports,

In a stunning declaration, Gov. James E. McGreevey announced his resignation Thursday and acknowledged that he had an extramarital affair with another man.

"My truth is that I am a gay American," he said.

"Shamefully, I engaged in adult consensual affairs with another man, which violates my bonds of matrimony," the married father of two said. "It was wrong, it was foolish, it was inexcusable."

Somewhere in Democratland, the tables will be turned and McGreevey's going to made to look like a victim. "Wrong, Foolish, and inexcusable" is right. The NY Daily News may have hit the nail on the head, although probably inadvertently when they reported,

"The Democrat said his resignation would be effective Nov. 15. McGreevey said he would step down because his secret -- both his sexuality and his affair -- leaves the governor's office vulnerable."

You're darn right it does. Wide open. America is still repairing the damage that was done via the Clinton scandal. Leaders of other people don't get the privilege of living their lives they way they want. When will we get hip to this concept?

A few quick observations and I'm done: Use of the phrase "My truth". Red flag for moral relativism as it indicates that truth varies from person to person. Also, I happen to find it interesting that he announced himself as a "gay American" (by the way, that was strategic). I'll leave that one alone for now.

[ Click to Read Complete Resignation Speech ]

Stop the madness. I recently came across yet another Reuters article that attempts to slap around the subject of teenage sex (and very badly if I might add). Just when will people learn how analyze this issue the right way? So it seems researchers (read: people getting paid way too much money to make up stuff and write about things that could be easily identified by plain old common-sense and discernment) have found that 84% of parents surveyed did not think their teenager was sexually active. Well there's a deep revelation! Strangely, this reality works both ways. I'd bet a good 95% of teenagers don't think their parents are sexually active either. My goodness, the mental picture of that alone is just disturbing. As far as I'm convinced, my parents did the deed four times to produce my lovely siblings and I and that's it. I prefer to keep it that way for the sake of sound and peaceful sleep.

The article reports that although 84% of parents surveyed were certain their children were chaste nuns and celibate archbishops, a recent government study (warning) showed that "nearly half of ninth through 12th graders aged 14 to 18 have had sex". I'm sorry, but I'm just not convinced. To properly ascertain how I feel about most studies (government or not), picture the excrement that flows through a sewage pipe. Now, multiply that by ten. The reality is, none of these studies are even close to sitting on the truth of the matter. Most of the theory around teenage sex is liberal, convoluted, self-seeking, and just that; theory. Why? Because there's an agenda on the line. The evil forces at Planned Parenthood would like us all to think that teenagers are hormonally crazed sex nuts that saunter around the city copulating like rabbits. So by all means, if they're gonna do it, they may as well wear protection, so let's pass out condoms and let them go at it in the freight elevator on campus (which by the way, happens disturbingly too often). The reality is, these statistics are bunk.

The article then goes on to discuss the varying degrees of copulation taking place amongst teenagers of different racial backgrounds,

"Another study published on Thursday found that teaching African-American girls how to boost their self-esteem can help them better control their sex lives.
Black teenage girls are more likely have sex and are more at risk of sexually transmitted diseases than white girls the same age, said Laura Salazar of Atlanta's Emory University.

This is true on all counts. Pre-mature sex is generally an indication of something deeper than just the "physical feeling". The average teenage girl describes her first sexual experience as negative yet she continues deeper into the abyss of longing for acceptance, validation, and love. Studies around race and sexual activity usually start to turn bad when they begin declaring things like, "Young, inner-city black teenage girls are more likely to get pregnant than their white suburban counterpart." Wrong. Young, inner-city black teenager girls are just more likely to keep the child. Reasons for this can be found in a recent article I came across in the Montgomery Advisor about black teens actually intentionally wanting kids (which is an entirely different sad epidemic). My experience in private, white education has shown me that abortion clinics serve the upper-class rather well. That's a conversation for another day.

The trouble with studies like the one mentioned in the Reuters article, is the fact that there are counter studies like "The Mood of American Youth" study which found that many teenagers (remind me one of these days to break down the etymological origin of that word and its self-fulfilling prophetic impact on today's youth) these days are striving to forego the "relationship with benefits" model for something more concrete and traditional like a family. Columnist James Glassman reports,

"The changes in politics are rooted in changes in values. Last year, the rate of teen pregnancy dropped to a record low. Better birth control is not the sole explanation; the proportion of teens who had intercourse fell from 56 percent in 1991 to 46 percent in 2001.

Kids don't want casual sex; they want families. Harris Interactive reports that 91 percent plan to marry and, on average, they'd like three children.

Already, Generation X (born between 1965 and 1979) is more traditional than its parents. "The number of married-couple families, after declining in the '70s and '80s," writes Hymowitz, "rose 5.7 percent in the '90s." More brides are taking their husbands' names, and in 2000, the number of women in the workforce with infants dropped for the first time in decades. A study by Yankelovich found that 89 percent of Gen Xers think modern parents let kids get away with too much.

So let's get down to brass tacks. Let me tell you what all these fluffy "studies" do. They let us off the hook from being in tune with what's going on in my generation. Far too many parents depend on the news for statistics on their own children instead of actually getting involved in the lives of their off-spring (a novel concept really). So it comes down to family. I wrote some months ago a piece called "Oh Parent Where Art Thou?"on my increasing distaste for lack of parental responsibility and accountability in this country. My notion still stands. Parents aren't doing their job. Society will continue to pay. Down with statistics and studies, up with getting a clue.

One of these days (soon) I'll get around to opining my millenial view on sex education in schools.

So imagine my surprise when today I logged on and noticed my web statistics had taken an early morning leap. I check my inbox to find an email from the lovely Miss La Shawn Barber informing me that the National Review picked up an article on none other than The Conservative Brotherhood. And here's the even better part, along with other bloggers, they mention me!:

"From the veteran's perspective of Baldilocks to the playful philosophizing of Ambra Nykola, the Internet is suddenly full of great black writers whose views aren't monolithic - you'll find almost-daily disagreements about affirmative action, President Bush or the morality of gangsta rap - but instead offer a vibrant, hip-hop generation alternative to the broken record of the civil-rights establishment.

Playful eh? I suppose I'll take it. I can perhaps overlook the fact that my name was spelled wrong, it's "Ambra Nykol", (grrr) for the sake of a little recognition up in this place. But let's get beyond the "me", the article highlights other great writers and focuses on the growing trend of black conservative thought on the internet:

"Of course, a discussion of black conservative bloggers and the changes they're capable of effecting must include the following caveat, to keep commentators on the Left from getting their knickers any more twisted than usual: Blogging, while growing rapidly, still represents only a small part of the Internet experience. The number of blogs maintained by black Americans is, based on population figures, in all probability a small percentage of the overall total, and of that small percentage, it seems likely that the majority lean leftward. Most black conservative blogs number their visits per day in the hundreds, a far cry from the six-digit traffic generated by the best-known blogs, like Instapundit."

Check out the article in its entirety. Definitely good stuff.

Update: Can we say, Insta-launch??? Holla!

Update II: My name was fixed thanks to the insistance of the article's author, Dan Leroy who apologized profusely.

Being a black conservative should not be grounds for dismissal from the black community. This however, should. Rapper Nelly seems to have consumated his relationship with the word "pimp". Last year he introduced an energy drink called "Pimp Juice", and he recently announced that for the first time ever he will be awarding two "P.I.M.P." scholarships in the amount of $5,000. Oh but it gets better. This ti