I enjoy traveling for work because it puts me in my element--talking to people. I do this both in my day job and for unpaid fulfillment. While in Connecticut this past weekend, I had the opportunity to do some non-work related speaking and was asked afterwards for my business card. A little taken back, I realized that all I had were business cards from my company; the people that bore me to death five days out of the week. I had never considered personal "Ambra" cards because self-marketing is not really something I'm into. Boy is life is a-changing.

This last trip to the East coast even promised me a few potential speaking engagements coming up. This is the stuff that gets my adrenaline going. I could talk and teach and pontificate for hours and never get tired. I'm more comfortable on a microphone than I am behind a desk. I'd even talk to large groups of people before I'd write. Although, I do enjoy writing greatly, and I can definitely see how they work hand-in-hand.

I don't talk about it much here, but in what little spare time I have, I'm a youth leader at my church. In talking about purpose as it relates to the future, I always ask young people, "What would you do if no one paid you?" It always proves to be a thought-provoking question that generally leads people in the direction of what they should be aiming for in life. Rarely however, do I ever consistently ask myself that same question.

Since the time that I was young, I've always been aware of my own strengths and weaknesses. Call it drive or focus, or whatever you want, but I've never been one of those people who wallows in the shadows of Po Bronson's age-old question "What should I do with my life?" It's a fabulous question, just not one I've ever felt the need to ask.

When I was a freshman in college, I wrote out my life's vision (from an 18-year-old perspective). I took an entire day and locked myself in my room, turned off all external elements (phone, television, music) and wrote for approximately four to six hours straight. I wrote incessessantly. I wrote about my future life. I set goals financially, spiritually, intellectually, and personally. I detailed the intricacies of my vision as much as I knew it. I still have it today. It was about 10 pages typed when I first wrote it and it has since grown (and been edited) consistently as things are clarified for me and I gain more direction and insight.

As human beings, we tend to seek out a model for what we desire to accomplish in life. Growing up, we said things like, "I want to be like [insert notable achiever]". Even as adults we do the same thing. I had my idols growing up, but I was the nerd that looked up to thinkers and obscure intellectuals no one had ever heard of. Today, I struggle with identifying a model for what I want to do. Part of me wants to throw my hands up and say "it just hasn't been done yet". I'm sure many people can identify with feeling like you're "called" to do something you've never seen done before. It's not arrogant, it's just truth. If we all duplicated each other's lives, we would not have progressed to the place we are today in society. I love studying the lives of revolutionaries.

People often ask me what I want to be when I grow up. This is partly an insult because I'd like to think at age 22, I've already started the process of growing up. Aside from that, I generally run into roadblocks when it comes to articulating what type of impact I see "Ambra" having on the world. I don't struggle because I don't know, I struggle because I worry "they" won't understand. It's funny because in the past I would have said, "I want to be a corporate attorney" or "I want to be an architect" or "I'm studying African-American Studies" and usually people left me alone. For them, knowing that was enough to appease their nosy concerns. I can always identify the "form answer" that could easily get the monkey off my back. But since I'm not a liar, I have to make up terms and slap a name on my ultimate ambiguous profession to pass for "productive" and "legitimate" in the eyes of the important people. I like "Crusader for Common Sense" or "Common Sense Educator" or "Social Commentator", but I'm still toying with terms. Plus, I don't really care what I'm called, so long as I'm paid (may as well just put the truth on out there).

I accept this reality because people need something tangible to "call you". In a perfect world, I'd be able to write, speak, and educate on the issues dearest to my heart. I would do this for free (hey, I already do!) My preferred audience would be college students, but I like to deal in principle, which generally applies to everyone. I'd love to write books someday. I already have one in the works (but who doesn't?). Everyone I know is writing the "Great American novel". I could become even more cliche and say I'm in line for a recording contract, but I'm not (Thank God).

I suppose writing a book would make me an "Author". Recent developments in my life now give me the title of "Columnist". I'm not satisfied with either of these alone. Who knows what the future holds, but all I know is, I often feel like a square peg trying to fit in a round career hole. I've long been tired of fitting so from here on out, I shall just "be" and see what opportunities follow.

So what would you do if no one paid you? It's sad that the answer to this question is usually something we're not doing.

After-thought: A great mentor to me and probably the person who has a career-model that most closely fits what I'm after is "Social Commentator and Media Consultant" Lakita Garth.