January 14, 2004 5 Ways to Keep People Away from You on the Bus
Yes, I realize this is a very selfish and unthoughtful post. I realize that it doesn't exactly convey the love of Christ for all people. But do you ever have those days when you don't really feel like being bothered by people on the bus? I mean like you want to be far far away from everyone. I am some sort of magnet for people who, when there are plenty of wide-open seats available, will sit right smack dab next to me. I realize that people are attracted to the God in us. Or at least they should be right? I can't chalk it up to particularly good looks or a good scent (this is not to sound "low self-esteem" as I do believe I have those things though neither of which I can attribute to the countless men AND women who feel the need to sit by me day in and day out). So, I figure the only one I can give credit to is God. But dangit, I wish He'd give me a break every once and awhile. Yesterday was one of those days and it occurred to me that there are ways to keep people at a distance while riding the bus (and keep your dignity). So I am making an official list which I will expand as I try new tactics:
Read Mean Books Preferably with big print on the cover so everyone can read the title. Reading a book with the word "Hell" in the title is good. Titles like, "Why You're Going to Hell" or "Repent Sinner or Go to Hell" or "Hell is Hot Place I Don't Wanna Be" etc. are preferable and will immediately deter people.
Be sick. Or at least fake it. Coughing is good. Sneezes will clear out both the row behind and in front of you.
Wear a helmet. When you wear a helmet, you're gross. No one will want to sit next to you. Whether it be Bike helmet or construction helmet, you pick. All of them will make you seem gross.
Fall asleep. I think it's the fear that you'll slobber on them or something but generally, sleeping, even fake sleep keeps people away. If necessary, slobber, however that whole "keeping your dignity" part gets ruined if you do this.
Master the bus face. My friend Lindsay is great at this. It's the "Don'teven thinkaboutsittingnexttomebecauseIhadacrappydayandI'llkickyourbutt" look. Perhaps I'll snap a picture of her demonstrating the "bus face". Until then, this picture somewhat captures the essence of true "bus facedness". This look will scare anyone away.
Yes, I realize this is a very selfish and unthoughtful post. I realize that it doesn't exactly convey the love of Christ for all people. But do you ever have those days when you don't really feel like being bothered by people on the bus? I mean like you want to be far far away from everyone. I am some sort of magnet for people who, when there are plenty of wide-open seats available, will sit right smack dab next to me. I realize that people are attracted to the God in us. Or at least they should be right? I can't chalk it up to particularly good looks or a good scent (this is not to sound "low self-esteem" as I do believe I have those things though neither of which I can attribute to the countless men AND women who feel the need to sit by me day in and day out). So, I figure the only one I can give credit to is God. But dangit, I wish He'd give me a break every once and awhile. Yesterday was one of those days and it occurred to me that there are ways to keep people at a distance while riding the bus (and keep your dignity). So I am making an official list which I will expand as I try new tactics:
