Today I faced my accusers in a pre-trial hearing. I was fairly confident when I heard my name called by the Chief Magistrate. I was being summoned to state my case for why I didn't deserve to pay the whopping $38 parking ticket the City of Seattle was demanding me. So yes okay I'll admit, I did have somewhat of a bad attitude since I'd taken an hour and a half out of my work day and hiked all 15 blocks downtown to the courthouse with heels on, in the rain. When I got there I had to check-in with the clerk and fill out some preliminary paperwork. Then I was asked to sit in the waiting room with about 6 or 7 other equally ticked-off citizens. There was a tangible sense of irritation in the room. People were shuffling through pictures they'd taken of the scene of the crime, trying to decide on the best ones to convince the magistrate of their innocence. I sat in my seat righteously convinced that today was my day of vindication. So when they called my name, I happily gathered my things and headed into the magistrate's office to face my accusers.

Magistrate: Good morning, how are you today. (No question mark, it was rhetorical. He didn't really care)
Me: Good morning, and I'm fine thank you. (he could've cut the formal salutations at that point, I was about the business)
Magistrate: So according to this document, you're here today because you were parked...
Me: in an unmarked crosswalk Sir.
Magistrate: Yes that's what it says here. So can you please state your reasons for contesting the ticket?
Me: First of all, I'd like to know what exactly an un-marked crosswalk IS???

Magistrate: An unmarked crosswalk is...
Me: Before you start, I have some pictures of the scene. (hands magistrate pictures)
Magistrate: (points at pictures) This is an unmarked crosswalk right here.
Me: ::perplexed look:: This is a residential street. It's a neighborhood. People park here all day every day and somehow manage not to get tickets.
Magistrate: It doesn't matter. It's against the law to park in an un-marked crosswalk (draws lines on a piece of paper showing where unmarked crosswalks exist)
Me: (ignores drawing) We all live in this neighborhood, these so-called "un-marked crosswalks" are right in front of homes. So you're telling me that these people can get a ticket for parking outside their own house?

Magistrate: Yes. Just like if they parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Me: This is not a fire hydrant, it's an invisible crosswalk.
Magistrate: It doesn't matter.
Me: That is ludicrous.
Magistrate: (shrugs shoulder) It is the law. If you would like to schedule a court date to contest it and have the officer (code for evil meter maid) testify, I can set that up right now.
Me: That would only be a further waste of my time so no thank you.

Magistrate: ashshsettrjtrtoetoselldlleppetgdjgsdssbfhdhdx
Me: (no longer listening to Mr. Magistrate) I'm sorry, can you say that again?
Magistrate: At this time you owe $38. You can pay that on the first floor, at window 10.
Me: Today?
Magistrate: Yes today.
Me: I don't think so. I am not paying $38 today. I've already been inconvenienced enough. I'm leaving.

Magistrate: Fine then, please go to the first floor and notify them when you will be paying $38 at window 12

(Dream Sequence in Slow Motion)
Assuming superhuman strength, Ambra lunges forward and reaches over the desk to grab the neck of the magistrate. She simultaneously proceeds to kick the glass out of the window with her now, very well treaded high heel boots. Using one hand, she dangles the Chief Magistrate out of the window 18 stories up over moving traffic below. He begs for mercy, and promises to pardon Ambra of the $38 ticket. He admits the law is faulty and promises to expose all the wickedness on the city council if she lets him come back inside. Ambra makes him promise to pardon the fees due all the other people in the waiting room first. He says he'll do it and she slowly brings him inside and releases him from her death grip. A party breaks out in the court waiting room. Crowds chant, "Hail, Hail" as leaves the magistrates office. The mayor starts crying, the meter maids repent, the band starts playing "We Are the Champions".
(Dream Sequence Ends)

Me: I will do just that. Thanks and have a nice day.
(I had to buy myself some time since I plan on paying the ticket in pennies)