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As Father's Day draws near, I am reminded of the fact that we make much less of a fuss around our fathers than we do our mothers. People joke about it all the time, making unsubstantiated claims like "Greeting card sales are higher on Mother's Day and lower on Fathers Day". I don't really have a hard time believing this is true because I too have been guilty of being entirely too cavalier about the third Sunday of the month. All too often I'm the one there at the mall the Saturday before Father's Day, at 7:00 pm with every other deadbeat child, scouring stores for the "perfect gift". Which usually ends up being not-so-perfect nor well thought-out. Meanwhile, I've gone to great lengths to make my mother feel special on her big day. Once while living in Connecticut, I even surprised her by flying in on Mother's day. I can say without a doubt, that fathers don't get their due.

I'd be fooling myself if I left out a major part of the equation being the fact that many people don't have their fathers in their life. When I go through my mental rolodex of some of my closest friends and colleagues, the majority of them either have a poor relationship with their father, or no relationship at all. Speaking in terms of the black community, statistically, the majority of young children will grow up without their father in the home. That's just the plain, sad truth. Last month there was a lot of discussion around an ad campaign run by the National Fatherhood Initiative, an organization working to:

"improve the well-being of children by increasing the proportion of children growing up with involved, responsible, and committed fathers.

I can't knock that. There is a need for more groups focused on this very issue. The ads that stirred the trouble began appearing on the sides of busses in Los Angeles County. A few of the ads read,

"Easter Bunny. Tooth Fairy. Daddy. Eventually kids stop believing in things they don't see."

"Each Night millions of Kids Go To Sleep Starving. For Attention from Their Dads."

"Dear Daddy, My Mommy Can't Be My Daddy Too."

Besides being grammatically incorrect, there's a lot more wrong with these ads. These particular phrases could be applied to anyone, but these ads featured pictures of young black children and clearly targeted black fathers. Glenn Sacks wrote in opposition to the ads and fellow blogger Baldilocks dropped some science regarding the lack of responsibility placed on the women who procreate with these absentee fathers. This issue is much more complex than child-support collectors would like to think.

The reality is, the whole idea of fatherhood needs to be restored. A "father" is not just an individual who released sperm on a hot night. A father is a function, a position, and role. There are people who have never produced their own biological children, yet they have fathered many. The fathering spirit comes to give instruction, set a child on the right path, and bring the "identity" that so many kids are missing these days.

For many reasons not worth going into, the position of "father" has lost much respect in certain cultures and communities. Much of this is the fault of fathers themselves. Yet, so many women downtalk their children's fathers these days, they too contribute to successfully warping young minds to be unappreciative of the concept of fatherhood altogether. It doesn't stop there. The breakdown of fatherhood can also be attributed to generational transfer. Many men struggle with knowing how or even wanting to be a father because they themselves didn't have a real father, nor did their father have a real father. It becomes a cyclical curse. One that must be broken.

The curse continues in the young people who through no fault of their own, grow up never having felt the love of a father, never received correction from a father, and never received instruction from a father. The fatherless generation doesn't often think they need a father. If you've ever tried to tell some of these knuckleheads on the block to pull their pants up, you'll see, this lack of appreciation spills out into all forms of authority. I don't blame them. Being raised without a father could give a person a sense of false independence. Coping mechanisms are a funny thing. And many fathers pick up on the fact that their presence is not needed. Based on my observations of the opposite sex, lack of appreciation doesn't usually bode well for the male ego.

All this said, personal responsibility reigns supreme in all this. Regardless of whether or not their presence is wanted, fathers must reconcile themselves to their children. That's something to which God will hold people accountable. We too as a community have a responsibility to ensure fatherless children have a father figure present in their lives.

The thing I love about God is that he is all-sufficient. He can be whatever you need Him to be. The absence of a biological father can be replaced by the presence of a Heavenly Father. We are also humans, and God created us to have relationship. Adults without their natural fathers have a responsibility to subject themselves to the guidance and direction of one with a fathering spirit. Fathering is not dispensable in our lives. We need it. It is an essential part of our development as people.

Fatherhood is like that old 1957 Cadillac that was beautiful in its prime, but is now in desperate need of being brought back to life through the process of restoration. If you've ever restored a car (or watched it being done), you'll know that the parts are more expensive and harder to come by, and it's going to take time and patience. The end result is a shiny new vehicle worth more now than it did in 1957.