nykola.com | bothering people since 1981

Riding public transportation is masochistic. It's like intentionally and willingly subjecting yourself to the decay of American society on a daily basis. It's painful and it hurts like the Dickens, but we continue to do it. Day in and day out.

I work in the city where parking is ridiculously high so I must humble myself daily and endure my measly 15-minute bus commute. I'll admit it, I'm spoiled. I live seven minutes by car from my place of work and there are still days when I drive. I'll admit, there was a day when riding public transportation was fun. I used to love gallivanting around the subways of New York like it was some sort of adventure. In Seattle we have no subways, no light rail (yet), no real monorails, or D-trains. No. Instead we have wretched buses with mean drivers who hate their collective lives. I being the happy, unencumbered-by-bills, camper/student that I was, could look past the bad attitudes and see God. Reading my Bible always made for good conversation in-between stops. There was a time when bus rides were pure enjoyment. That day of enjoyment has come and gone.

Public transportation offers us one of the best ways to confront society at the head. If you want to know what the community is facing? Ride the bus.

Today as I sat in the front of the over-crowded bus as all nerds do, I watched as an elderly black woman boarded and was left without a place to sit. As is my custom, I waited to see if some self-respecting chivalry would rise up in that place, and as usual, I was sorely disappointed. Not a thing. So I of course, having at least a semblance of "home-training" offered up my seat to the dear woman who was extremely grateful. Meanwhile, everyone else sat there staring at me as though I were some alien from another planet--The planet of common courtesy, decency, and respect for elders. Boy have we got work to do.

Hey Sir, would you mind sobering up so that nice lady next to you doesn't have to endure you breathing your Colt 45-smelling hot breath on her shoulder?

And you "Miss Fashionista" over there. May I remind you that you are wearing a skirt and you need to close your legs. Everyone on this bus does not need to see "all that" thank you very much.

Hey Mister with the garbage bag, do you see these ladies occupying standing room only? Would it kill you to remove your garbage bag from the seat and offer it up for a real, live, breathing individual?

Don't think you're off the hook either Mr. No-Deodorant-Wearing-Wannabe-Pimp in the platform shoes. None of these women on this bus want you so why don't you start kicking game to the bus-pole?

And "yo yo son!" over there with your pants around your ankles. I realize that you probably have no clue that you are perpetuating a prison-fad whereby the lowering of your pants indicates some sick male/male relationships, but everyone on this here bus does not want to hear you bumping the latest Jadakiss so turn it the heck down. Headphones were created for a reason.

Hey Chica. Could you possibly use some other words to describe your last fight with your boyfriend. Preferably ones that don't begin with "f" or "you"?

Excuse me Mr. Hugo Boss-suit-wearing-important-businessman. I realize the fact that all of us other individuals on the bus are "bringing you down", and I'm sure you're probably "way better" than this public transportation stuff, but really these fake cell phone conversations you continue to have about fabricated trips to Tahiti, and important nonexistent business deals, trying to make yourself seem impressive, they're really quite obvious.

And lastly, dear Mr. Bus Driver, I realize that perhaps this is not the profession you may have envisioned for yourself. Life's a tough race, and we all are going through some things. But if the very presence of passengers on a BUS bothers you, then perhaps you should seek employment elsewhere.

A moment of silence for the partakers of public transportation. God help us all.

Trackback Pings