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6/23/2004
Spanking: The Best Way to Save Tax Dollars
In 1994, a dreadful event descended on the face of this world. A young, teenage American boy staying in Singapore had his backside flogged. The masses were insensed. Mothers were outraged. Michael Fay's alleged crimes in Singapore warranted what America felt was an inhumane punishment. Debates were rampant. Yet, people around my neck of the woods never quite understood the debate.
We've all been in a busy supermarket. We've all heard little Johnny crying bloody murder. We've all heard little Johnny's mom try unsuccessfully to use psychology to quiet him. We've all seen it fail to work. We've all wanted to smack Johnny; or at least wished his mother would. Or maybe you're one of those people who have amazing self-control and compassion and have never wanted to inflict bodily harm on a small child. I am not one of those people. My name is Ambra, and my parents beat my butt. The preferable term here is "spanking", but within a cultural context, there are many who know the word "beat" is merely an idiom and not literal. I come from a long line of corporal punishers. The fact that I say this with so much pride is a bit disturbing. I am still proud to say I am a product of spanking.
I wasn't a bad kid, but I was definitely a smart-mouth (some things never change). If you attempted to reason with me, you would have to enter into a full-out, head-on debate. This was something my mother refused to do and thus she employed other methods to "help" me to obey. Generally speaking, this form of "help" didn't feel good. Spankings took place in the bathroom, hands on the toilet, bent over. Those five seconds were agonizing. That is, the five seconds before the lifting of my father's hand made contact with my "innocent" rear-end. Fervent prayers were sent up on my behalf in hopes that somehow he would miss or have a change of heart. I'd always preferred my mother's discipline to that of my father. She had mercy. At least then I could "fake cry" since she never spanked too hard. We always got spanked for attitudes, not actions. Being that most actions are rooted in attitudes, this was probably a good thing. The weapon of choice was usually a thin, wooden rod kept strategically on the ledge over the door. In desperation however, my mom was known to use the first thing she could get her hands on (a slipper, a magazine, a feather). Considering her weak hand, this was usually more comical than painful. Resisting "help" was a big no-no. I'll never forget the summer when my younger brother ran from an impending spanking. When my mom finally caught up with him, he evaded her swing and boldly taunted, "Ha ha...missed!" Thank God he was wearing a helmet. I'm surprised he made it out of that situation alive. When we were left home with a babysitter, my siblings and I would go around the house, collecting all the wooden rods and any other potential spanking weaponry. We'd then proceed to throw them into our wooded backyard. This is where they rest to this very day, probably buried next to my deceased shitzu. It was our grand scheme to rid our household of spankings altogether. It never worked.
When recounting childhoods with friends, I found that many people I knew had not been spanked. Was my family odd? Was this cultural or values-centerd? I still don't know. It does seem however that the baby-boomer generation was a bit more comfortable than mine with the idea of swatting their kids. Back when Rikki Lake was still a credible show, she ran an episode on corporal punishment that left me outraged. I was so outraged that I actually wrote the show a letter which I'm sure was filed under "Raving Lunatics". On her show, corporal punishment was portrayed as pure child abuse. As one can imagine, the slant of the show was heavily weighted in favor of the more shall we say, "peaceful" approach to conflict resolution. One guest on the show outlined the "steps" she used to discipline her children:Step 1: You get a warning
Step 2: You get a time-out
Step 3: Privileges are taken away When I was growing up, we had no steps. It went like this:Step 1: You do it. End of story. "One, two, three" magic wouldn't have worked with me. In most staged dialoges on the issue of corporal punishment, you have one side that espouses the "1, 2, 3 magic" philosophy. Representing the other side, in a "fluke" I'm sure, you usually have the insanely psychotic parents who beat the living daylights out of their children every time they get a chance. I think my family fell somewhere in between these two. Spankings were few but meaningful.
I never presume to tell other people how to raise their children. To spank or not to spank is the parent's decision. Spanking is one thing. Child abuse is another. One would think it depends on the nature of the child. What I do not tolerate is people, laws, and organizations who try to usurp the rights of parents by telling them what they cannot do. It's a shame these days parents can't even discipline their own children without fear of getting commentary from the liberal peanut gallery. My parents had to use caution when spanking my sister because she'd get hysterical and start shrieking and thrashing around the house at the very mention of a spanking. As I'm sure you can imagine, this did not go over well with the neighbors. For fear of anonymous phone calls to "Child Protective Services", it's safe to say, she didn't get spanked much.
The main goal of spanking should be to associate pain with disobedience or sin. For the average five-year old, discipline requires consistency. This is why you don't see first-graders on the Dr. Phil Show. You can only reason so much with a child. For me, spanking was only preparation for the chastising that would come later in life. This is the kind that really hurts. This was the kind that could ruin your life. For many, it was worth it for the sake of a few sore bottoms.
Every now and then I turn on the local news and see some idiotic criminally ignorant behavior on the part of my generational counterparts. At times I am thoroughly convinced some of them are the people who never felt the sting of a few love taps. Spankings aside, forms of discipline should come out of love. Whether it be spanking, grounding, or loss of privileges, parents who don't set up consequences for their children in some form or another are setting their kids up for failure. Eventually, we'll all be paying for it with our tax dollars.
Update: While perusing the web today, I came across this. Here we have a Christian on the complete opposite end of the corporal punishment spectrum. To each "hits" own I guess.
posted by ambra at 6/23/2004 12:15:10 AM | link to this entry |
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