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5/10/2004
How I Almost Killed a Telemarketer
What is the weekend anyway? At one point in my life, I looked forward to these blissful two-days of sleeping in, pigging out, and doing absolutely nothing. Nowadays, I venture to say that my weekends are generally more busy than my weekdays. I sometimes have to get up on the weekends earlier than I do to go to work. This weekend was no different as it was packed with meetings, church and a host of other responsibilities. This didn't even account for the fact that mother's day was coming up.
(Caveat) I have a bone to pick with Hallmark, Shoebox, Dayspring and all the other greeting card manufacturers. CAN YOU GET ANY MORE GENERIC AND SAPPY? I had a doozy of a time locating a mother's day card that even fit my personality. I'm thinking of starting a greeting card company called "Sarcastic Greetings : for the person who just can't be serious". (By the way, that's intellectual property so don't you dare steal that idea). I'm all for sap but goll-y these greeting card writers are just horrendous. "Dearest Mother, for everything you've ever been to me, caring, sharing, throughout the years, I cherish you this day. Happy Mother's Day" Blah blah blah, excuse me while I go vomit. Then there's also the Christian or, excuse me shall I say "Religious and Inspirational" cards, which I swear aren't even written by real Christians. Someone picked a random Psalm or Proverb, slapped it on a greeting card, called it "Inspirational", and charged $4.99 for it. We've got work to do in the greeting card industry. (end Caveat)
As I was originally stating, this once again proved to be a busy weekend for me. Even though I had a Saturday morning meeting, I was looking forward to sleeping in until a comfortable time of 9:00 am. I'm certain you can imagine my excitement as I never get to sleep in this late. I was nestled under my very nice down comforter, enjoying that sweet, perfect, rest; we're talking good sleep, like in Jesus' bosom, like better than popsicles, never-wake-me-up rest. It was heavenly. So imagine my dismay when at 7:45 am on a Saturday morning, my phone rang. Surely I thought that someone in my family must be losing blood and on their way to the hospital for my phone to be ringing that early on a Saturday morning. Instead I hear,
"Hi this is Josh calling from the Fireman's Fund, how are you today?"
Anger. Rage. Fury. Irritation.
Me: I'm asleep
Josh: Oh really?
Me: It is SEVEN FORTY-FIVE on a Saturday morning, I'm ASLEEP Josh.
Josh: "Yeah I've gotten that a lot this morning."
Me: Maybe it's because you're calling people at the buttcrack of dawn on the weekend.
Josh: Oh well, I apologize for that, what I'm really calling you about today is...
Me: Save it. I'm not interested.
Josh: Well you don't even know what I'm going to ask you!
Me: Yes I do.
Josh: No you don't. Well then tell me?
(freeze frame) Now I know this monkey-fool is not trying to argue with a complete stranger who he JUST WOKE UP about what I do and do not know. (continue)
Me: (in a half-dazed slumber) You're going to ask me to give money. The answer is no. Good-bye
Josh: You don't want to support your local firemen?
Me: No Josh. I don't. Good-bye (click)
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Dear Firemen's Fund:
Please inform your volunteer staff that if they desire any sane citizen to donate their hard-earned finances to your organization, it advisable that your staff not wake them up by calling early on a Saturday morning or any morning for that matter and proceed to heckle them about their giving. Most people won't be as nice. Neither will I next time.
Kindly Pissed-Off,
A Concerned Citizen
posted by ambra at 5/10/2004 01:51:22 PM | link to this entry |
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