Dude, Where's my Blog?
March 24, 2005

Rule #32 of blogging: Don't apologize for non-blogging because nobody really cares.

At first I was going to be all stoic and ignore the fact that I've been MIA (missing in action) for the last week or so by posting some cheeky missive on why Terry Shiavo's husband is manipulative and how many smoke screens the media has thrown up in his defense. Then I started getting sympathy emails about my absence. You know, the ones where people consider a week of non-posting an indication of some sort of quarter-life crisis. Perhaps the loss of a pet or something really devastating like...having a life. Incidentally, I mourned the loss of my dog three years ago, but even that wouldn't have stopped me from posting to my blog. I appreciate everyone's concern, but let me just serve notice: I would never end this blogging venture without some confetti, bells, whistles, and major fund drive. I am however, glad to know people care.

To say life's been hectic is an understatement. Never in my life have I been through so much simultaneous change.

There's some philosophy that says any lulls in blogging are likely to throw off your readership and decrease traffic. Blah. Whatever. I'd rather go silent a week than post shoddily (made up word) written observations on life. I refuse to be a machine. I keep telling you people that I need to bring another writer on board but nooooooooo. So yeah, I needed a break to brace myself for the good stuff on the horizon.

Last week, I had an interesting conversation via phone with fellow blogger La Shawn Barber. She hipped me to the fact that she was phasing herself out of her full-time job. I think there's something in the water. We're both sick of working just to be working. I may be young, but I'm smart enough to know that anytime I have to ask somebody else for permission to use my own vacation time, something is wrong. Drastic times call for drastic measures.

I've got lots of exciting stuff in the works. I'll just keep it at that for now. Thanks for your patience everyone. My brain is refreshed again.

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That Ambra Nykol...where is she?
March 17, 2005

The world may never know.

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The Requisite Monthly Rant: How Not to Get a Job
March 15, 2005

Just a few tips as pulled from today's experience in the recruiting department:

  1. Write your your cover letter by hand on college-ruled paper with a blue Bic pen.

  2. Use the word "pimp" at least one time on your resume.

  3. When the recruiter calls you for an interview, forget that you even applied for the job.

  4. Use an email address on your resume that includes the word "sexy" (e.g. lilsexymomma@yahoo.com, 2sexy4u@hotmail.com).

  5. Make sure the outgoing voicemail message the recruiter hears includes music and the phrase "shake that (insert Biblical word for donkey)."

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When Good People Attack
March 14, 2005

Without fail, there are two things America can be counted on to consistently produce: lazy individuals and "good people." It's a safe bet that a good percentage of America consists of your average non-littering, non-baby-seal-clubbing, charity-donating "good" person. Data has proven that Americans are big givers. In addition to this, we also feed the children, build habitats for humanity, seek international amnesty, give the world vision, treat animals ethically, and assemble corps of peace. And as if that weren't enough, we even recycle. Boy aren't we good!

Yet in all our "good doing," one has to wonder why we still can't shake this pesky crime problem.

Recently, the media has reported on the "goodness" of two very disturbed individuals. It seems that not only do bad things happen to "good people," but "good people" do bad things.

This past Friday, 33-year-old rape suspect Brian Nichols saw fit to exonerate himself by opening fire in an Atlanta courtroom, killing at least three people. While Nichols has mostly been painted as a heartless criminal by the media, his family is alleging that his character is completely the opposite of what's been depicted. Indeed, there is little evidence that Nichols is the hardened criminal that's been presented, save 1989-1990, when Nichols was arrested three separate times on the campus of his Eastern Pennsylvania university for harassment, disorderly conduct and such. Still, Nichols's family contends that he just "snapped." The AP reports:

Felisza Nichols says the portrait of her 33-year-old brother-in-law as a bloodthirsty killer doesn't make sense.

"He's a good person," she said. "He didn't come from a broken home. He's not a person who hung out in the streets and was always in jail. He came up living a good life."

Did you know that coming from a two-parent home automatically makes you a good person?--Apparently so does being a churchgoer.

Continue reading "When Good People Attack">>>

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March 14, 2005

I think I have Attention Deficit Disorder the fake disease. I literally have a folder full of writing yet to be posted on this blog, but I can't sit still long enough to finish it because are so many other fascinating things to write about. Plus there's Snood--quite possibly the most addictive game you could ever play. Don't even inhale or you're a gonner.

Yesterday I began spring cleaning. This usually means that you can find me sitting in the corner of my living room somewhere reminiscing over yearbooks, reading old essays, looking at bucked-teeth pictures from the eighth grade, and getting absolutely no cleaning done.

Yesterday I found all my old college acceptance and rejection letters. I was instantly reminded of the nauseating pretension that comes along with the whole college admissions process. Accept me! Accept me!

Even worse was the obsequiously-obtained Harvard recommendation letter I found from author and professor Henry Louis Gates, Jr. What Dr. Gates didn't mention in his letter was that I stalked him, hunted him down at a post-book-signing cocktail party and acted like a complete fool just to get a letter that had no chance of getting me into Harvard (thank God). Dr. Gates probably wrote the letter because he felt sorry for me. Heck, I felt sorry for me too.

You know when people ask you to name one of your lowest moments? Well, next to urinating on myself in public, that one is probably number eight on my list. I don't live life in regret, but I cringe at those times in my life when I knew I wasn't being myself.

Enough navel-gazing. I'm working on my columns this morning so I'll be back later today. There's too much to talk about. I need to get back to 5:7 posts. Remind me why having a job is a good thing again?

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March 14, 2005
  • Cobb on "Robots": My fellow brotherhood blogger, Michael Cobb Bowen (I refer to him as "the law firm") begins his commentary on the new movie "Robots" by reinforcing something I have been saying for years: Robin Williams is a crackhead. Being the Pixar devotee that I am, I refuse to see these washed up and tired step-children of animated flicks (Shark Tale, Shrek/2, etc.).

  • Who let the dogs out?: Watch out Randy Jackson, Rev. Wayne Perryman, author of "Unfounded Loyalty" (why Democrats are no friend of blacks), released a piece to Seattle press last week in which he lists 12 reasons why black men shouldn't call each other "dog/dawg." Ehhhhh. Terms of endearment aside, Perryman makes valid points--none of which I can argue with. Life and death is in the power of the tongue. All I'm saying is: I can think of 12 more important reasons why black men shouldn't do a lot of things--Like this. Ultimately, Perryman proposes that the term "brother" be used instead. I agree.

  • The New SAT Strikes Out: Early feedback is in regarding the new SAT, which students were subject to for the first time this past Saturday. Overwhelmingly, students thought it was "boring." On the new test, which includes an extended math section, a perfect score is now a 2400. The good news is, analogies are out. The bad news is, writing is in. Whereas before students could opt to take the SAT II in Writing, now it's included in the standard SAT. Oh I could go on about my disdain for the College Board and all their silly little tests. I did fine on the SAT, but I totally bombed my SAT II Writing test. All my English professors hated my writing. They said it was too conversational. Go figure. Today's lesson: ignore your English teachers.

  • Apple Beats the Bloggers: Apple won the case to go after the sources who divulged trade secrets. Scrappleface comments as only he can. I must say, Apple is making it very difficult for me to love them as I do. Oh but I think I'll manage. I'm actually considering selling a kidney on the black market to cop the new Powerbook. Have you pressed your cheek up against one lately? I know, I'm getting counseling for this really soon. In the meantime, do you think Steve Jobs (co-founder of Apple and Pixar) will let me come live in his guest house? Right...counseling.

  • Kids on Media Overload: Joanne Jacobs notes a Kaiser Family Foundation survey that found the average American child logs more than eight hours of media exposure per day. Considering that may 16-year-old brother does his homework on his laptop with the television on, his mp3 player going, and 6,700 instant message windows open, I believe it. Media, it's the opiate of the masses.

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The Face Behind the Words
March 11, 2005

Perhaps it's just me, but when I read a book, the first thing I do is turn to the back flap to see what the author looks like. I don't do this from a "shallow" viewpoint. I do it because when I enjoy something, I want to attach a face to my enjoyment. Unfortunately,our culture is very much fueled by "looks."

A consistent observation I've made about visual media in general is that higher standards are set for women. I certainly am one in favor of well-grooming a nice attire, but what I find perplexing is that not only do women have to be smart, we also have to look well-put-together, only to have people completely ignore our intelligence and focus on our appearance. It's a vicious cycle.

On average, female media personalities have to look fabulous well into their older age while the men--also known as "the decrepits"--can wear toupees, have sagging skin and missing teeth all while anchoring the network news. There will never be a female version of Michael Moore because a woman could never get away with looking like that and still be considered credible.

The writing world is a bit different. I've always found it interesting that certain writers (bloggers especially) choose to reveal their identities while others stay behind the curtain.

Continue reading "The Face Behind the Words">>>

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Michael the Thespian
March 11, 2005

William Shakespeare once wrote:

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts...
Michael Jackson is apparently familiar with the works of Mr. Shakespeare because his child molestation trial is day-to-day drama.

Is it not odd that on the day when 15-year-old Gavin Arvizo is testifying about Jackson molesting him, people aren't talking about the trial, but instead discussing what Jackson was wearing? Brilliant that Michael Jackson. What a crock.

Umbrellas, costumes, dancing on top of cars, sickness, back pain, hospital stays, tardiness, tears, and now pajamas. Distractions, distractions. The man is making a mockery of the judicial process and only reinforcing his mental instability. Enough of the Michael Jackson show.

Jackson, pull yourself together.

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Premium Linkage
March 11, 2005

I've stated in the past that I'm a bad linker. I embrace it. One of the unwritten rules of the "blogosphere" is that you're supposed to link frequently to other weblogs. I could write the book on how to break that rule. Do you know why? Because it takes so much bloody effort, and let's face it, writing every day takes too much time to be worried about trying to give props to the entire world wide web. Plus, I try to read everything I link and the minute I send someone somewhere, they take it as my endorsement and I'm not always comfortable with that. I think linking is great, but it's also very time-consuming.

While I intensely dislike it when people email me asking me for a link-exchange, I love when people send me links to stories, news, or blog postings. I'm lazy like that. This said, I'd like to go on record as stating that I always welcome leads, even if they're written by you (yes it's pretentious, but in this case, I'm asking. I don't link everything I get, but it sure makes my job easier. Thank you.

This has been a public service announcement.

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Caught In a Fashion Faux-Pas
March 10, 2005

Remember good citizens: money doesn't necessarily buy taste. Just ask Donald Trump. He's the one responsible for decorating the Taj Mahal in Atlantic City. I know purple is the color of royalty but gawl-lee.

I haven't done a "Fashion Faux-Pas" in awhile. Today's fashion faux-pas is a celebrity one. The image you see here is that of Mr. Johnny (I'm always serious and obscure) Depp at this year's Oscar Awards ceremony. Suddenly I'm feeling the urge to sing some Beatles lyrics:

"Wait. Oh yes wait a minute Mr. Postman. Wait!
Wai-ai-ai-ait Mr. postman"
Mr. Depp looks less like he is attending a formal event and more like a mail carrier finishing up his evening route. You'll also notice the ensemble isn't replete without the chain and key (as all mail carriers have).

To make matters worse, it appears that Mr. Depp is attempting to redeem himself by coupling wing-tipped shoes with this get-up. Not working.

For the record, it is absolutely not okay to wear Federal Employee-inspired clothing to formal occasions. While I'm certain Johnny is going for the whole "I'm obscure but cool--in fact so cool that I can even pull off polyester" motif, we shouldn't have such low expectations for elusive celebrities.

As always, my camera shall be on the prowl...

Past Faux-Paseses
- Geometry Gone Wild
- George and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat
- The Grizzly Bear
- The Blue-Haired, Gun Tights Wonder
- Stripey Girl
- Me Being Stripey Girl
- The Pimp
- The Cowboy Boots

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Why I'm Not a Republican Parts I, II, III, IV
Reflections on the Ill-Read Society
The ROI of a Kid
The Double-Minded Haters
Hip-Hop in Education: Do You Wanna Revolution?
Oh parent Where Art Thou?
Requisite Monthly Rant: the State of the Nation
College Curriculum Gone Wild
Walmart Chronicles
An Open Letter to American Idol
Gonorrhea and the City

I Have a Talk Show